


we're still more in love than you think we are

by forallthewords



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Falling In Love, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-21 10:56:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forallthewords/pseuds/forallthewords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles is not perfect. The thing about Jared is he never wanted him to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're still more in love than you think we are

The thing about Jensen Ackles is he's not perfect. Jared thinks he's the only one who can see that. People don't try to figure Jensen out because everything they consider when they look at him fits in the right spot. 

Jensen is gorgeous, everybody says so, but he’s not a jerk about it or anything. Like he won't sleep with your girl just because she gets drunk at a party and rubs her boobs up against his chest. He’s the sort of guy who will take notes in class when you’re out sick or spot you a couple of bucks when you forget your lunch money. He goes to church with his parents every Sunday, scored near-perfect on the SATs, and he plays starting wide receiver for the high school football team. 

Jensen Ackles is who your parents want you to be. 

Abby who is a bitch is leaning across her desk to get Jensen’s attention. “Hey,” she says, as Jensen shoves his Calculus textbook into his backpack. “Did you hear that Em is going to prom with Brad Howard? He's such an asshole.” 

“So?” Jensen asks, and Jared can’t see his expression from the angle he’s seated at two rows back, but he’s sure Jensen’s doing his whole eyebrow arch thing.

“Well, she was your first kiss. You guys dated for like a million years or whatever. I just thought you should know.”

Jared exhales sharply as his fingers curl themselves around the edge of his desk. Because Emily Neilsen was _not_ Jensen’s first kiss. And maybe someday Jared’s brain will erase what it feels like to have Jensen’s tongue inside of his mouth, but. Today is not that day.

Jensen just looks at Abby and shrugs. Because he’s nice and he’s accommodating, and even if he was too messed up about the news, Jared knows he’d never make a scene. Jensen holds what he’s feeling inside. Except with Jared. Or at least that’s how it used to be.

Jared knows the hole patched over the drywall of the Ackles’ den was made because Jensen’s fist cracked right through it after he spent four days straight trying to unlock the Wolfenstein level of Doom II. Not that Jensen was a violent guy or anything, most of the time he tried to avoid a fight, even if his motivation was just saving his own ass. 

Jensen used to walk an extra four blocks to school just to avoid the Gallagher’s grizzly old dog because he barked up a storm while leaping up against the fence every time they passed by. “ _Screw that_ ,” Jensen would say. “ _That dog’s gonna maul the shit out of someone some day_.” 

But Jensen did love animals; the cute kind, anyway. And Jared had teased him for a week straight after he cried during _Babe_ but cut it right out after Jared had hollered, _That’ll do pig!_ right as Jensen shoved a piece of bacon into his mouth. Jensen refused to talk to him for two whole hours. 

Jared would get annoyed with Jensen’s silence the most. When he’d get lost in a book or some sports game on TV. Then Jared would poke and bother, and Jensen would scowl and grump, but then turn easy on him, turn back to him, letting Jared win. Because Jensen used to be really soft on Jared. In a way that made Jared think that would never change. 

Now Jensen is the type of guy who smiles at everyone when he passes them in the hallways. Except for Jared. Because he looks right through Jared like he’s not even there. People grow up, and Jensen left him behind, and Jared knows there’s nothing done to change that.

Jensen Ackles is not perfect. The thing about Jared is he never wanted him to be.

~~~~~o~~~~~ 

 

Jared is a friendly guy. He can get along with most anyone. But he can count the number of people he’s actually close to on one hand. Estella Martinez would be his thumb because he always thinks of her first.

Estella is really excellent at making mix CDs and she is beautiful. She’s also a liar. She tells him that’s because she has to practice taking on different characters so she can make it as an actress someday. It seems like girls always want to be movie stars, but Jared thinks Estella is actually pretty good and maybe has a shot. If he were straight they would be dating. Then again, if he were straight, he would never have lost Jensen and he and Estella probably would've never met. Estella says she would never date him anyway. But Jared doesn’t believe her because she lies.

“Trent Wilhelm?” Jared pulls a face as Estella closes her locker door.

“What’s wrong with that?” 

Jared sighs, shifts his backpack. “Oh, come on, it’s just…I thought I’d use these last few weeks to just fuck around. You know, get good grades and get out. No more tutoring.”

“But you’re smart and he’s hot. Why let those two beautiful things go to waste?” She tosses him an exaggerated frown. “It’s like you don’t even want to use your powers for good.”

“Essy—”

“What? You can spend some of the time going over homework and most of the time talking me up. Help me out here, Jared, it’s been like, _weeks_ since I last crushed on anyone.”

Jared groans, rolls his eyes. “Fine. Tell him to meet me during afternoon break tomorrow in the library.” 

“Jared Padalecki, you’re my favorite,” she coos at him, dreamy, and then tosses out a teasing smile.

They turn the corridor and Jared is suddenly greeted with a perfect view of Jensen’s ass. Or, well, _Jensen_ , but his ass is the part currently catching Jared’s eye as he watches him walk down the hall in those, god, tight jeans which seem to curve and mold around Jensen _perfectly_ , and fuck. Jensen Ackles has a goddamn nice ass.

“Are you ever going to get over that guy?” Estella asks, breaking into Jared’s butt zen, and stopping them outside the door to her classroom. “He’s ruining you for the rest of the gorgeous gay male population out there. It’s pretty tragic.”

“I am over him!” Jared protests. “I am. But I only have a little time left to admire his ass and I’m gonna do it.”

“The part about being over someone is that you don’t want to jump their junk 24/7. That’s pretty much the point.”

“Whatever. It’s not like I’m shouting curses into the night about how my life is over because we’re never gonna to hook up again,” Jared explains. “It’s…I’ll just always be attracted to the guy. He was my first kiss, the first one to ever touch me, or you know,” he says, shrugging, “blow me. It’s not like I can just forget that.”

“Joe Emans was the first guy to put his hand underneath my skirt. Do you know where he is now?” She pauses for a beat as Jared shakes his head. “Me neither. ‘Cause I don’t care.” 

“I know.” Jared sighs. “But I can't help that I still _miss_ Jensen. I guess that makes me a freak.” 

“Nah,” she tells him, honest. “It just means you have a sweeter heart than most of us.”

“I think you think I’m way more awesome than I actually am.”

“Sometimes.” She grins. “Mostly I just put up with you because you're so pretty.”

“Go to class.” He laughs, pushing off the wall. “I’ll call you tonight if I don’t find someone better to hang with.”

“Good luck with that, JT,” she sing-songs. Jared flashes his dimples, gives her a thumbs up, and turns to walk to class.

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

Sometimes Jared lies in bed and stares at Jensen’s house through his window. He wonders if Jensen ever thinks of him when he looks out his own. 

Jared stares through the dark and watches Jensen pacing around his bedroom. Maybe it's creepy to watch him like this. Probably it's really creepy. But it doesn’t stop Jared from looking. Not like it’s the first time he’s done it anyway. 

Jensen is on the phone and Jared watches him lift a hand and run it through his hair, a nervous gesture. He wonders if what Abby said about Emily today got to Jensen. Maybe she’s the kind of girl who’s hard to let go of. She might be the kind of girl you would still think about even though _you_ broke up with _her_ almost a year ago and she’s dated half your friends since. Jared thinks this might be true. He feels bad for hoping Jensen feels some pain. He figures if you really care about someone, you want them to be happy no matter what.   
… 

When Jared left to spend the summer at his aunt’s—the year he turned fifteen—he had given Jensen a black jelly bracelet. Which was, okay, really lame of him, but he had wanted to give Jensen something to remember him by while he was gone. Something he could touch whenever he felt lonely. Jared wore one, too.

After Jared returned home that August, Jensen wasn’t wearing the bracelet anymore. But he was dating Emily. Which Jared figured out when he raced over to Jensen’s and found them making out on the living room couch. He stood there stupid for about twenty seconds before slipping unnoticed through the front door. 

Jared didn’t cry or punch anything or even freak out. Not really. He didn’t really know what to feel. But when he called Jensen later that night and he didn’t pick up, even though Jared could see the light on through the blinds in his room, a sick twist of fear curled up in Jared's gut.

Jensen never actually told Jared to his face that he and Emily were dating. Jared gathered that himself by the way they held hands in the hallways at school and sat together at lunch. Jensen actually didn’t say much to him at all. Except for _Can’t talk now_ , or _I’ve got shit to do_ , or _I’ll call you back later, okay?_ when Jared would catch him on his way to class. Or sit outside on Jensen’s front steps. Or ring up his line at two in the morning. Whichever. 

The thing was, Jared hadn’t even known Jensen _liked_ girls. At least not in _that_ way. The whole time they were growing up he’d heard Jensen bitch on occasion about not being picked first for a softball game, or not earning the highest grade in class, or Jared wearing that shirt Jensen hated. But Jensen had never gone on about some girl he liked. Not once. And Emily was one of the most popular girls in school–pretty and smart and she always wore the right clothes–and her dad worked with Jensen’s. So it made sense that Jensen would want to date her if he was into that sort of thing. Jared had just always figured he was more into _their_ type of thing. He never saw Jensen look at anyone the way he looked at Jared. It made Jared feel safe. It made him feel like he was never really alone. It made him feel a lot of stupid things, really. 

Jared wondered if maybe he’d been holding Jensen back his entire life. From who he wanted to be with, from who he wanted to _be_. When he watched Jensen with Emily and his new friends, he looked happy. He was wearing his hair different and paying attention to his clothes and maybe acting more open with people. All Jared could do was sit there and think about how much had changed, so quickly. It made him wonder if he’d ever really known Jensen at all. And if he didn’t know Jensen, maybe Jared was a different person than he'd thought, too. When so much was tangled in what Jensen said, or wanted, or saw in him. Probably that was completely fucked up but maybe it wasn’t so surprising. If all the world’s a stage, then Jensen had been Jared’s star. 

When Jensen started to ignore Jared in the hallways, Jared had wanted to shout at him. Just to say he was still there. To tell Jensen he still wanted him. To let Jensen know he still thought he was the most amazing person Jared had ever known. The only person he ever _wanted_ to know. Look what you’re doing to me, you jackass, fucking me up, I miss you so much. Your stupid face, the way you laugh, when you touch me, god, the way you always know what to say to me, what to do, I need that, you asshole, you motherfucking jerk. I hate this. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. _Don’t leave me alone, Jensen_. 

But Jared thought Jensen might not have heard him no matter how loud he shouted, anyway. 

When days turned into weeks and Jensen still wouldn’t give him anything, Jared’s anxiety shifted into something deeper. Something he didn’t think he’d ever felt before. Like he wanted to just lie down and sleep and never wake back up. For a while anyway. Just long enough to stop feeling that way.

And, okay, that just wasn’t _fair_. Jared didn’t know what the hell was going on in Jensen’s head, it’s not like they ever said the word ‘boyfriend’ or anything, but Jared figured he had a right to find out. Maybe Jensen thought he could just close up and that’d be easier than dealing with talking, but Jared was _not_ the type who could do that. Not with the person who he’d counted as his best friend his entire life. 

He decided to confront Jensen. He would walk straight over there and ask, 'What the fuck, man. What the fuck are you _doing_ , and _why_ the fuck are you doing this, and what the fuck is _wrong_ with you to just shut me out.' 

Jared had opened Jensen’s front door and stepped on in. Figured it’d be no use bellowing for Jensen ‘cause the dumbass would just hide like he’d been doing, and chances were he’d still be in bed this early in the morning anyway. 

He turned the knob on Jensen’s bedroom door and found him still asleep. Jared hesitated a moment before walking over and sitting gently on the bed. He raised a hand to touch Jen’s shoulder, wake him up, but stopped himself. 

Jensen's chest was bare, freckled with sun, and Jared just sat and stared at the soft skin under his eyes and his parted lips, breathing open-mouthed. Beautiful. Jared had maybe been expecting Jensen to look different somehow. More grown-up, or not as pleasant, or just less _Jensen_ , but. He didn’t. And all the anger that had burned Jared into coming over evaporated and filled up with a _want_ that pressed deep into his chest. 

Jared's entire body responded, shaking with it–one second from losing it completely and just _touching_ –when Jensen woke up, blinked hard, blurry eyes focusing on Jared, then he curled his lips lazily and said, “Jay.” And Jared did lose it then. At Jensen's easy smile, at the way his name slipped so sweet from Jensen’s lips, and he couldn’t keep the tears that busted out. 

Jensen said, “Jared, please.” Then he said, “Jared, don’t.” But he rested his hand on Jared’s knee and Jared cried even harder. And when Jensen pulled his hand back and said, “I can’t. I can’t…be this way anymore,” something in Jared broke all the way down. 

When he leaned into Jensen and sobbed uncontrollably against his neck, Jensen didn’t say anything. Didn’t tell him to stop, didn’t tell him it was okay. Just wrapped his arms around Jared and brushed fingers through his hair until the stuttering hiccups stopped and Jared’s mind had gone a dull numb. 

Jensen’s phone rang and his hand unwound from knotting in Jared’s hair. Jensen sighed, a soft breath, then said, “I gotta get this.” He picked up and turned his back on Jared, threw his legs off the side of the bed. Jared heard him say _Cool, later today for sure_ , and _Up to you_ , then _Not as good as you did_ , and then Jensen had laughed, turned toward Jared as though he’d forgotten he was there, thumbed at the blanket on his bed. He caught Jared’s eye and his hand stilled. Jared stared back. He could hear Emily, enthusiastic and giggling on the other end of the line. He wondered for one sick moment if he shouldn’t have tried to give Jensen a blowjob a few minutes back. Jensen might’ve been too caught up to say no and Jared would have told Emily, told everyone, and then, almost certain, Jensen would have no one else but him. 

Jared huffed out a breath, broke eye contact with Jensen and made a gesture signaling that he was gonna take off. He had his hand on the doorknob when Jensen stopped him. 

“Jare?”

“Yeah?”

Jensen hesitated, hand covering the speaker of his phone. Jared blinked, waited a long pause. Jensen released his breath, then said, quiet, “See you later.” 

What he’d really meant was goodbye.   
…

So maybe it’s okay if Jensen hurts. Just a little.

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

It’s five minutes after and Trent Wilhelm is late. Now Jared only has ten minutes to go over the outline he’s created and, whatever, he knew Trent wasn’t gonna take this crap seriously anyway. Not that Jared really cares, he’s only doing this as a favor for Estella, but Jensen is also sitting in the library. With his back to Jared, one table over, and having Jensen so close by is always a surefire way to make Jared twitchy. 

Jensen’s sitting with a group of friends and they are decidedly _not_ studying anything you earn grades for in school. 

“No, you gotta tell me, dude, don’t hold out,” he overhears Adam Pullman saying. Jared likes two of the three guys sitting with Jensen, and Adam is not one of them. It's like Adam took lessons on how to be a human being straight from a teen movie. He’s basically the dictionary definition of a jerk and Jared honestly does not get how Jensen and the rest of his friends can stand having him around. 

“Seriously, was she as big as she looks through her shirt?” Adam goes on, holding his hands up to his chest to crudely mime breasts. Jared might be a lot more interested in their conversation if this question had been directed at Jensen, but it’s not, so Jared continues trying to concentrate on the book in his hand. 

Trent shows up at Jared’s table a couple of minutes later and before Jared can say a word to him, Adam is standing up and storming over, eyes narrowed. “Wilhelm!” he bellows. “Where the fuck you been hiding at?” 

“Been around, Plummer,” Trent says evenly, as the rest of Jensen’s table starts taking interest. “What’s it to you?”

“You owe Garcia, man. Says you took off with his cash for an eighth and never came back. You punkin’ out on what you owe, kid?”

“Never said that.” Trent shrugs. “Things came up. He’ll get it back.”

“So cough up,” Adam tells him, stepping closer and sticking out a palm.

“I’m not givin’ nothing to you, dude,” Trent spits. “That’s between me and Garcia. You can go screw yourself.”

“The _fuck_ did you just say to me?” Adam is a built guy, all muscles and bulk, there is no way, like _ever_ , Trent could take him in a fight. The rest of Adam’s group, including Jensen, hustle over and Jared tenses up, shifts on his feet, wants this to stop before it gets out of hand. 

“Hey, hold up,” Jared tries. “He said he’s going to pay your friend back.” 

Adam laughs, cocks an eyebrow, and smirks at Trent. “What. You gotta get your faggot here to defend your honor? That’s sweet, Wilhelm, real romantic. You let him stick it up your ass, too?”

Jared starts, blushing red, eyes flashing to Jensen, who’s staring right back at him. Jensen holds his gaze for a moment before turning to Adam. “Okay, knock it off, Adam. Let’s go.” 

“Chill out, dude. I’m just having a talk with Wilhelm and his boyfriend here.”

Jensen hesitates, meets Jared’s eyes again until Jared swallows hard and looks away. Then Jensen tells Adam, firm, “Garcia can handle his own.” 

Adam carries a lot of weight at their school and he’s pretty much used to getting whatever he wants. But he’s not Jensen Ackles, and Jared can see Adam _knows_ that as his eyes flicker back and forth between Trent and Jensen before he shrugs a shoulder and shoots Trent with one last glare. “Whatever. But your ass better pay up, man. _Soon_.” 

Jared huffs out a breath as the bell rings and Jensen and his friends move back to their table to pack up. He realizes he’s shaking and he’s not sure if it’s because of the confrontation or because _Jensen_ stood up for him. Or. He thinks that was Jensen standing up for him, anyway. 

He runs a hand through his hair and reaches for Trent’s notes. “Right. This is an outline I’ve made that should help you with—”

“Cool, Jared, thanks,” Trent says, grabbing for the notes.

“Okay, but I was just going to go over a few—”

“No time. I gotta run,” Trent tells him. “But I owe you, man, catch you later.”

Jared sighs, tucking his book into his backpack. He’s shrugging the bag onto his shoulder when he feels a hand on his arm. He looks up warily. 

“You okay?” Jensen asks, and the careful concern of his tone says he might actually care.

Jared stands there, almost can’t believe he’s really been asked, then says, “Jensen. Yeah. Thanks for…” 

Jensen reaches up, scratches behind his neck, cheeks coloring. “No problem. I mean…” He shifts nervously, glances back toward the exit, then says, “How’s it going, Jare?” 

Jared pauses, caught on the nickname coming from Jensen’s mouth. His throat goes tight as he answers. “Got into Berkeley, you know, kinda looking forward to getting out of this place.” He laughs, trying to cover his discomfort up. Stupid, really, no way Jensen can’t read straight through him, anyhow.

“I decided on Stanford. Guess we’re sorta headin’ in the same direction.”

“Sounds like.”

Jared, of course, already knew Jensen accepted at Stanford because he is a lameass who is aware of basically everything Jensen Ross Ackles does other than what color underwear he puts on in the morning. And, okay, sometimes even that. 

“Nice,” Jensen says. “Maybe I’ll have someone to ring up for bail money when some frat haze goes horribly wrong.” He shoots a grin that makes Jared _swear_ if he looks at him for one more second he’s gonna do an honest to God toe-scruff. Jensen's studying Jared’s face, and when Jared lets out a quick laugh, Jensen’s smile turns up one more blinding notch, and. Fucking fuckity fuck. Jared needs to magically gain a superpower that prevents the flip-flop his stomach has in response. 

“I’ve got to get to class, so,” Jensen says, chuckling in an awkward way Jared finds stupidly sweet.

“Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

Jensen turns and takes a few steps before looking over his shoulder, tossing Jared a little half wave.

Jared grins, all dimples, and fights down the want to make it last.

~~~~~o~~~~~ 

 

Saturday night Jared heads over to Ethan’s. Ethan is on the school debate team and he’s wicked smart. He also knows where to buy the best weed.

“Do you think there’s such a thing as bad emotions?” Ethan asks, splayed out on his couch, fingers running the zipper of his hoodie up and down. “Because if emotions are mental states which arise naturally, how can a spontaneous feeling be something bad? It’s just human.” He pauses. “Although I guess that train of thought doesn’t work well in an argument about heated crimes. Because I might spontaneously feel an urge to kick Gonzales’ ass next time he schools me at _Stratego_ but it wouldn’t necessarily be _good_ if I acted on that. Still though,” he muses, “it might be healthy to have and accept the feeling, just as long as I didn’t execute it.” 

“Ethan, fuck off,” Jared groans. “Can’t we talk about music or something like normal people do when they’re high, jesus.”

“Ordinary is boring, also, you’re a jerk. I am feeling what could be considered a bad emotion toward you right now.” 

“Really? Maybe you should try _executing_ that feeling to give me something to do besides sitting here on my ass,” Jared suggests, yawning.

“Unfortunately I’ve already calculated the height, weight, and muscle advantages you have over me and’ve come to the conclusion that some rather intensive training would be needed in order to take you on. There’s a chart I have upstairs on it.”

“You are seriously bizarre.”

“Don’t think I don’t know that’s why you hang with me. I have paperwork I’ve printed out on that, too.”

“Right,” Jared drawls, “I think I’m just gonna head home. It’s after two and I don’t even want to know what’s gonna come out of your mouth next.”

“Lock the door on your way out, Jared. There are creepier people than me in this world.”

“Let me know when you find one,” Jared says, flicking Ethan’s ear as he walks by.

“Will do. Catch you later, smartass.”

Jared’s house is only a few blocks away and the night air feels good on his skin. He takes his time, walks slowly, air-drumming out the beat to some song he’s got stuck in his head. He thinks about how these are the last few months he’ll have here. It feels scary, but it’s also exciting. Like maybe what’s to come is better than what he’s known before.

He thinks of Jensen, then. Thirteen years old and moving over in the darkened tent they'd set up in his backyard to place a kiss on Jared’s lips. The way Jared’s heart hammered as he kissed back, opened his mouth and let Jensen slide his tongue inside. He thought he might never feel anything more amazing in his life. Of course, that was before Jared put his hand down Jensen’s shorts after a game of H.O.R.S.E he lost one afternoon. Before Jensen took Jared’s cock in his mouth the summer Jared turned fourteen. So maybe there’s something really amazing out there he doesn’t even know yet. Something he hasn’t imagined that will make his memories seem less sad. 

He’s almost home, wondering if there isn’t maybe someone out there right now under the same stars thinking the same thing, when he stops short and his jaw drops. He’s pretty sure there is a dead body. Right there on the sidewalk and, oh god, Jared might just have a heart attack and go down, too. 

Should he check for a pulse or run inside to call 911? But what if the guy really needs mouth-to-mouth or something and those few precious moments Jared wastes running inside _kill_ the dude, and maybe Jared should just step a little closer and look for breath, and yeah, he should do that, and jesus— “ _Jensen_?”

“Heeey, Jared! You’re really tall from down here,” Jensen says, lifting an arm from the pavement to point his finger in Jared’s general direction. “Oh. I think what I mean is that you’re always tall but you look _extra_ tall right now, and—” 

“Jensen, what the fuck are you _doing_?” Jared asks, trying to get his heart rate back under control. “You scared the shit out of me, man.”

“Bein’ drunk.” Jensen gives him a dopey grin.

“Yeah, well, do you really think it’s the best idea ever to be drunk on the sidewalk right in front of your _parents'_ house?”

“Grass's all wet.”

“Right, but…your bed’s not.”

“Think I left my keys at Javier’s. Parents are asleep. Don’t wanna wake ‘em up.”

Jared imagines the way Mr. Ackles would lay right into Jensen if he saw him like this. Jared hesitates, then, “Do you…you could crash at mine, or…I could move you back into the bushes or something.”

Jensen beams at him, leans up on his elbows. “I wanna come home with you. You still got that dumbass Shania Twain poster up on your bedroom wall?”

“You know my mom hung that up there!” 

“So who do ya got now, Britney? Christina? ‘Cause I gotta say, I’m kind of a—” 

“Just shut up and come on, you jerk,” Jared tells him, amused at Jensen’s drunken ramble. 

Jared's dragging Jensen's inebriated ass across the yard when Jensen slurs, “You know what’s really sad?”

“The way your breath smells right now?”

“No, fucker, the treehouse getting torn down.”

“Got ripped apart almost three years ago. You just bothering to notice now?”

“No,” Jensen says, hand digging tighter into Jared’s side. “Always noticed. Always. I’m just sayin’ something about it now, kinda miss it.”

“Mm,” Jared answers, as he shifts Jensen’s weight against his body. 

“Miss it,” Jensen repeats, nuzzling his face into Jared’s neck. And he better cut that shit out right quick before Jared pushes him down and fucks him senseless on his parents' lawn. Jensen is loose and sweet in his arms but Jared's pretty sure getting him down on all fours, tonguing his ass open, and pushing into him until he’s begging for it aren’t things Jensen would count the next morning on his list of ‘Awesome Things I Did Last Night’. 

Jared pulls the comforter off his bed once they bumble their way upstairs and he settles Jensen in, tucking him under the remaining sheet. With as out of it as Jensen’s acting right now, Jared figures Advil and water are good times. He returns from the bathroom, offering them up.

“Jare?” Jensen rests his fingertips on Jared’s thigh. Jared tries not to stare too hard down at Jensen's hand.

“What?”

“I wanna suck you.”

“Jesus, Jensen!” Jared hisses, batting Jensen’s hand away. “Quit fucking around.”

“I’m not fucking around,” Jensen tells him, all wide, glossy eyes. “Want to.”

“Yeah, that’s strange because I'm pretty sure you forgot I even exist.”

“I didn’t, Jared. Jared,” he says, breathless and earnest, “I never have. Swear it,” he promises, then palms his dick through the sheet. “I’m hard for you right now.”

“Uh,” Jared says, and then _dies_. “Maybe you’re just hard for whoever’s in the room right now. Don’t say things you’ll regret when you sober up, Jen.” 

“No one else, Jare—”

“Okay,” he interrupts, before Jensen says something that leads straight to sex he will no doubt freak out on Jared for later. “Right, no one. Now take your pills and be quiet,” he orders, pushing them into Jensen’s hand. 

“I’m being serious!” Jensen pouts, bringing himself up on his elbows to glare at Jared. “This is important! You should probably be listening to me more better!”

God. Really. Jared should maybe rethink this. Possibly taking advantage of a hot drunk guy isn’t the _worst_ thing a person could do. And really, it’s not like Jensen will be speaking to him tomorrow either way. He sighs, then, “I can hear you just fine. You’re talkin' crazy drunk crap. Now swallow those and pass the fuck out already.”

“I might be drunk--” Jensen says, then swallows the ibuprofen. 

“Oh, you think?” Jared mocks.

“--but I still mean it,” he finishes, then rolls over and smooshes his face down into the pillow.

Jared takes a spot on the floor, scrunches a pillow under his head and pulls his comforter up. He keeps quiet, listening to the sounds of Jensen’s shallow breath and staring around his room at things. Mostly the ceiling. Very interesting! He can’t make himself hope any of the things Jensen said are true, that they’re anything other than Jensen having way too much to drink and being, well, a guy with a hard-on. 

But that doesn’t stop the adrenaline from coursing through him at the thought of it. Of Jensen even wanting it at all. Wanting _him_. Even if it was just for tonight. Jared lets his mind wander on letting it happen, the image of Jensen with his lips wrapped around Jared’s cock, long eyelashes fluttering as he took in as much of Jared as he could. It gets Jared hard in .2 seconds. He doesn’t dare touch himself with Jensen so close by, God knows if he could control himself once he started up, and he thinks he deserves something really shiny for being so good about this. Or candy. And way lots of it. He stares harder at the ceiling, waits forever to calm down, finally slips into sleep well past dawn. 

Jensen’s gone before Jared even wakes up.

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

The final bell rings and Jared hisses a breath out into his locker. Fuckin’ mess. 

“I’m an ass,” Jensen announces from behind him, causing Jared to start.

“I’ll…alert the press?”

Jensen heaves out a breath, stares at a space to the side of Jared’s head before meeting his eyes. “I don’t remember everything I said, but I know I fucked up, and I’m sorry for being drunk and making an ass out of myself.” 

Jared wonders if Jensen's really sorry or if probably he’s just trying to make the things he said disappear. Jared watches Jensen and he’s still staring him straight in the eye, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth. He tries giving Jared a smile, but it’s too nervous and shaky, and that’s what makes Jared sure this is an actual apology. 

Jared goes for light. “What if I think it’s real cute when you’re being an ass?” 

“Oh, you _know_ I’m charming, always.” Jensen smirks, looking relieved, catching Jared's vibe. “It’s just. That was unfair. And I’m sorry, okay?”

“Yeah, Jensen,” Jared answers, and it’s almost funny, and maybe a little sad, how easy it feels to slip back into their easy banter after so many years. “We’re good. I mean, we all go around asking other dudes to have our babies at some point or another, right?”

“I… _what_?” 

“I’m kidding, man. It’s fine, honestly. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Okay. Okay, yeah, good. I’ll see you around,” Jensen says, clapping a hand on Jared’s shoulder, and shooting him one last grin.

Jared thinks, _I won’t count on it_ , then shuts his locker door.

 

~~~~~o~~~~~ 

 

There really is a limit a guy can take of watching _Varsity Blues_. Jared would know. Since it’s the _only_ movie Amy ever puts on when they work together at the video store Friday nights. He’s a nice guy, always lets her choose, but enough is enough and today is that day. Maybe. Just as soon as she stops swooning so hard over this frickin’ Van Der Beek scene. 

The bell on the door rings as a customer walks through and Amy makes herself look busy by grabbing a bunch of returns to stack on the shelves. Jared stands up straight, trying to look remotely professional, even though the red sauce from the pizza they ordered earlier is crusted to the collar of his black shirt. He glances over and, god, it’s _Jensen_ , standing there digging through the candy shelf.

Jensen brings a huge bag of Gummi Worms and a package of red licorice up and throws them on the counter. “Hey Jared,” he says. “What are you up to?”

“It’s called working, Jensen,” Jared deadpans. “I do it so I can get a paycheck and put gas in my car to drive back to work.”

“Sorry, stupid question,” Jensen says, shifting his weight against the counter. “You seen anything good lately?”

“Saw _200 Cigarettes_ last weekend, it was alright.”

“Haven’t heard of it,” Jensen tells him. He clears his throat. “Hey, you remember that time we stole your dad’s pack and you took one drag and almost hacked up a lung?”

“Uh. Yeah. I remember.”

“Right. That was…” he says, trailing off and fiddling with the corner of the Gummi wrapper.

“You gonna stand here all night trying to think of things to say to me or did you want me to ring you up for the candy now?” Jared asks, giving him a goofy grin.

Jensen huffs out a breath. “Look, Jared, I actually came here to see if you wanted to hang out when you get off tonight. Maybe grab a couple of beers and drive out to Medina Lake.”

He seemed sincere. Jared wasn’t sure. “Seriously? You wanna head all the way out there?”

“You already got other plans?”

“Guess not.” 

“So?”

“We close up at ten. I’ll meet you out front at ten-thirty.”

“Cool, man,” Jensen says, tossing five bucks on the counter for the candy. “See you then.” He turns back and smiles before he reaches the exit door.

Jared pinches his arm and can't actually believe it when he feels the sting.

~o~

“What about the time you caught a bass about half the size of your body? I thought you were gonna piss yourself over it, dude.” Jensen chuckles and bites a chunk out of his licorice.

“I was eight. In retrospect, the fish was not actually that large.” 

“It was pretty fuckin’ big, though, seemed like it at the time.”

“Yeah,” Jared admits, “guess it did. Never caught nearly as many as you, though. I think you’re like, the fish whisperer or whatever.”

“Sure, if you want to be what’s for dinner, come see Ackles. That sounds likely, Jare,” Jensen mocks playfully.

Jared laughs and sees a blur of summers spent messing around at the lake as kids. Staying up too late and then getting up too early. Sunshine and sandwiches Jensen’s mom packed for them. The way Jensen’s dad patted his son’s back when he reeled one in, proud. He wants to ask if Jensen kept coming here later on. If he came with just his dad. Maybe if he ever brought Emily. But he thinks he’d really rather not know. Let this place keep the memory of _them_ even if everything is so different now. So he takes a swig from his beer and asks, instead, “Hey, Jen, why’d you bring me all the way out here?”

“Wanted to. I know you like it out here. Guess I just, I don’t know,” he says, scratching at his chin, “needed to say I’m sorry.”

“You already apologized,” Jared tells him, knocking his knee against Jensen’s.

“Not for the other night. I wanted to apologize for…you know. _Everything_.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, alright. We’re cool then.” 

Jensen looks warily at Jared. “What, just like that?”

There's not much Jared wants to take from this place when he goes to college. If he can leave with his memories of Jensen feeling less sore, it would mean so much. Jared bites at his thumbnail, looks out across the lake, and then back at Jensen. “Yeah," he answers. “Okay, just like that.” 

Jensen swallows hard, searches Jared’s eyes, and when he finds whatever it is he’s looking for, he nods and looks relieved enough that Jared can’t help busting out with, “Or I could make you write a poem about it or somethin’.” 

“Maybe, but what’s good to rhyme with Jared?”

“ _Awesome_.” 

“Guess I’m not gonna title it ‘Ode to Jared’s Humility’ then.”

“Nah, but just make sure you treat me real delicate from now on. Like a flower or small child, something pretty,” Jared tells him, trying to keep a straight face. “You don’t want me turning crazy next time and goin’ all Tyler Durden on your ass because have you _seen_ the guns I’m packing lately?” He flexes his arm obnoxiously in Jensen’s face, and then grins, can’t help it at all. 

“You’re a regular Schwarzenegger, dude.” 

“Know you’re impressed.”

“Maybe a little,” Jensen tells him, eyes crinkling on a smile. “You look good, Jay.” 

Jared pauses for a moment, doesn’t let Jensen’s words mean _too_ much, then, “You too.” 

Jared scrunches his bare toes through the sand and feels Jensen’s hand brush against his as he digs out a gummi. And there, in that moment, everything between them feels right again. Like the past few years were just a quick skip on vinyl. Jared breathes in, tries to make the feeling last.

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

It’s been a week since Jensen took him out to the lake and they’ve been hanging out, spending long hours together, every day since. Jared doesn’t really know what changed in Jensen’s mind, but he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Or a gift Jensen. Whatever. 

Jensen’s car is nice, dependable. His dad picked it out. Jensen wanted something different but Mr. Ackles did the research and decided this was the vehicle best suited to his son. Jared pats the door after closing it and wonders how much of who Jensen really is his dad actually sees.

“You don’t even know what I’m into,” Jensen tells him as they walk through the door of a record store.

“Yes I do.” Jared rolls his eyes in exasperation. “I listen when you talk, dude. Check it, ‘ _Do what I want ‘cause I can and if I don't because I wanna be…_ ’ something something something.” Jensen groans at his lovely rendition, thank you very much, and Jared steers them to the local section. “This one,” Jared says, grabbing a CD with a picture of a robot picking flowers on the cover.

“Really?” Jensen asks, flipping it over to read the song titles on the back.

“Yeah, I saw them at an all ages a couple weeks back and they’re _amazing_. We should totally catch their next show.” He pauses, feels an awkward heat go up his spine at asking Jensen for future plans. “I mean. If you want. To go. With me.” 

“Sure, Jare.” Jensen nods absently, still reading over the track listings. “We’ll check them out.”

Jared thumbs through the new releases as Jensen pays for the CD, and when he looks up, he finds the guy he dated last summer walking through the door. Or the guy he lost his virginity to, maybe that would be a better way to put it, he never really felt like they were _dating_. Not when he kept comparing everything about Mark to Jensen, even though that wasn’t at all a fair thing to do.

“Mark,” Jared greets warmly, “hey man, what’s up?”

Mark looks happy to see him, pulls Jared into a hug that might linger just a little too long before pulling back. “Not much. I’ve got a few days left before I head back home for the summer. What’s new with you?” He smiles and gives the hem of Jared’s t-shirt a quick tug. 

Jared’s about to make some quip about quick cash and prostitution when he feels an arm snake around his waist drawing his body back until he meets solid flesh. And, hello, what the fresh _fuck_ is this?

“Jay,” Jensen just about growls, “all set. You ready?” He rubs the hand not currently plastered against Jared’s stomach up and down Jared’s arm in a friendly manner. Uh. At least Jared thinks it’s a friendly manner. He’s not really that sure. 

“Um,” Jared says, dumbly, conscious of the way his ass is being molded right into Jensen’s crotch. “Jensen, this is Mark.” 

“Hey,” Jensen says, breath warm against Jared’s neck. “How’s it goin’?” Jared is not entirely sure how Jensen managed to make _that_ question sound so threatening.

“Good,” Mark answers, taking a step back and shooting Jared an amused grin. Yeah, ‘cause this is just hilarious, really. “You?”

Jensen releases Jared, giving his shoulders a quick squeeze before backing off. “Pretty much awesome. Just about to go shoot some hoops with my boy here.” Jared refrains from making the gurgling sound that threatens to tumble from his mouth.

“Sure, well, I’ll let you two get on that,” Mark says, still staring at Jared. “Good to see you. Take care, Jared.”

“Yeah,” Jared answers, uncomfortable, “you too.” 

Jensen whistles as they make their way back to his car. Jared thinks maybe Jensen has gone insane. Or been drugged. Those gyros they had for lunch did taste kinda funny.

He buckles up as Jensen starts the engine and he can’t keep quiet anymore, he’s gotta ask, “Hey Jensen, what was that back there?”

“What do you mean?” Jensen says, inserting his new CD into the player.

“I mean with the hands. All over me. And the touching. And the…hands all over me touching. Kinda _that_ is what I mean.”

“Oh,” Jensen answers, casual, adjusting knobs on the stereo. “I knew that guy was your ex, thought you might need a save or whatever.”

“Like you’re my knight in shining armor or something, dude?” Jared laughs, quirking one eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m _sooo_ sorry!” Jensen says, dialing up the sarcasm. “From now on I’ll just let you get molested by every guy who wants to put his goddamn hands all over you.”

“You mean like you just did, right?”

“Shut up, fucker,” Jensen tells him, scowling.

“Aw, you looking out for me now, Jen? I feel special, very special.” He grins, then curious, “Hey, how’d you know Mark was my ex, anyway?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jensen mumbles, shifting into gear. 

“Oh, come on, Jen.”

“It’s nothing!” Jensen insists, impatient for a free spot in traffic to open up. “Just saw him coming and going from your house a couple of times. Saw you walking him to his truck and shit, gave him a kiss goodbye.”

“You were _spying_ on me?”

“Not spying! Just looking casually out of my window. Kind of like how you just stare straight into my bedroom from yours and all. You know, real _casual_ like that,” Jensen says, a smile tugging at his lips. 

“I’m…uh, yeah,” Jared says, ducking his head. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, you were probably just bored.”

“Yeah, right, probably,” Jared says, agreeing with the out Jensen’s handing his way. Then, “Hey, Jen, if you knew I was lookin’ why’d you keep getting undressed with the blinds open?”

Jensen shrugs, flushes bright red, and turns the music up.

~~~~~o~~~~~

“I will give you $5 and a pack of gum if you kick Estella out of your house right now.”

“Done and done,” Ethan answers. “Essy, get the fuck out and don’t come back until Jared grows up.”

“Hey!” Jared and Estella chime in unison. 

“Jense, you have got to help me out here,” Jared begs. “Tell her not to sing that song anymore. She’s trying to kill me through the power of verse.” 

“Wha...” Jensen gets out before he stops and just stares back at Jared’s face. “I am way too high to follow this conversation. What the fuck _is_ this shit? I might be seeing tracers. I think I’m seeing tracers.” 

“No worries,” Ethan tells him, exhaling on a bong hit. “It’s just really excellent bud. I’m self-medicating for my anxiety. My therapist has never seen me function so well!”

“Okay,” Jensen says, then, “Jared...Jare, I think I smoked too much.”

“You’ll be fine, Jen. Just don’t listen to anything that comes out of Estella’s mouth.” 

“Okay.”

“Alright.”

“Okay.” 

Jared leans over and studies Jensen’s eyes. “You really are,” he snickers, “you’re totally gonzo high.” 

“Shut up,” Jensen tells him, sinking back into the cushion of the couch. “You guys are smoking hydro and I’m used to crappy schwag. ‘S not nice to make fun of the less fortunate.” 

“Make me a spot, Jared,” Estella orders. “You guys are boring, I’m starting the movie.”

Jared scoots over until he’s nearly right up against Jensen’s side. He’s leaning away from Jared, resting his weight on the arm of the couch, but his hand…his hand is just inches away from Jared’s body. And Jared knows if he reached up and did something stupid like scratched his nose, he could settle his hand back down on the couch and make it touch Jensen’s. It could probably look a lot like an accident. 

And right as Jared is in the middle of a totally hot fantasy involving the glory of pinkie-on-pinkie finger action, Jensen moves _his_ hand and suddenly it’s resting, just barely, against Jared’s thigh. Jared freezes. Maybe if he holds his breath Jensen won’t notice what he’s done and his hand will stay where it is. Jared wonders how long he could go for, not breathing. It might be a real long time. Then Jensen starts to move his fingers, just little strokes against the denim of Jared’s pants, and Jared’s cock goes instantly hard like a fucking _virgin_. Jared doesn’t know if Jensen is doing this on purpose or if it’s just absentminded reflex, but he doesn’t dare touch back in case that would make Jensen conscious of his action and stop. _Dear God, please don’t let him stop_. 

Jensen shifts and slouches lazily against Jared, then whisper-shouts, “Hey, Jay!”

Jared gulps, hopes the noise isn’t nearly as loud as it sounds in his head, and stares straight ahead at the television screen. “Yeah?”

“I’m starving,” Jensen whines, god, _pretty_. “Like, really bad.”

Okay. Okay, Jared can deal with that. Maybe if he gets Jensen alone he can figure out if his _touching_ was intentional. Maybe if he gets Jensen alone he can _touch back_. Maybe answering Jensen instead of sitting here staring blankly at the movie playing would be…smart, good. “Awesome,” he whispers back, “I’m hungry, too.”

“Munchies run,” he explains as they stand up, Jared clasping his hands in front of his crotch to cover the, oh, obvious _tent_ in his pants.

“I like Estella,” Jensen tells him as they wind their way through the house. 

And okay, does he mean he likes Estella or he _likes_ Estella, and dear Jesus, please for the love of fuck do not let Jensen Ackles get a hard-on for his best friend. Houses might burn to the ground (Jared’s), lives might be forever destroyed (Jared’s), worlds might come crashing to an end (again…Jared’s). 

“Yeah, she’s pretty much the best thing ever,” Jared finally responds, looking back to answer Jensen instead of banging his head against the nearest hard surface. He’s watching Jensen’s face, searching for a clue as to the true meaning of his words, when he runs straight into the kitchen’s doorframe. Jensen laughs. Asshole. 

Jared flips him off and opens up the cupboard door. “Right, so, we have granola, uh.” He glances at the counter. “Looks like there’s a bunch of fruit, or…there’s probably some sprouts in the fridge, maybe a little wheatgrass,” he kids, though with Ethan’s parents, that is probably not a joke. 

“That sounds _good_.”

“Which one?”

“Any of ‘em. I could eat a cat right now. A baby cat, even. A kitten.”

“Gross Jensen, you’re a fucking creeper.”

Jensen laughs–head tipped back, like Jared’s just said the funniest shit in the world–until it breaks Jared and he starts in too. Jensen is giddy with it, placing a hand at Jared’s chest to steady himself. Jared stops. Feels the heat seep in where Jensen is touching him. He places his hand over Jensen’s wrist, and then says his name, quiet, just once.

Jensen looks up at him, blinks slowly, keeps staring until he reaches his hand up to curl his fingers in the hair at the back of Jared’s neck. His lips move, whisper something Jared can’t make out, before he feels them firm and seeking on his own. Jared brings their bodies closer together and then Jensen’s tongue is licking into his mouth. Hand squeezing a rhythm into the back of his neck. Jensen thrusts his hips forward and Jared lets out a sound–long and into his mouth–and Jensen startles, releasing Jared and pushing back. “ _Jesus_ ,” he says. 

Jared takes a step toward him and Jensen backs up, shaking his head, and then hoists himself to a seat on the island countertop. “Sorry, sorry. I’m sorry I did that to you, Jared.” He looks so _unsure_. 

“Jensen.” Jared stares at him, rocks back on his feet, tries to think of something to say that doesn’t end with, _more_. 

“No.” Jensen pauses, bites at his lower lip. “That was…I know you don’t…”

Jared steps to the counter and puts his hand over Jensen’s jittering thigh. Jensen looks at him, looks down at Jared’s hand, and then pushes off the counter, standing up. “I’ve gotta go. I’m just gonna…go.”

“I can drive you.”

“Yeah, okay Jared, yeah,” Jensen tells him, then looks down, fidgets. “I mean, no. You stay with your friends. I think I smoked too much. Walk’ll do me good.”

“You sure?” Jared asks, all casual. “I really don’t mind.” He pauses, lets out a breath, then soft, “Jensen, I _don’t_ mind.”

Jensen blinks up at him, searches his face, pausing on Jared’s lips. Then he drops his gaze, runs a hand through his hair, and says, “I’ll…I’ll see you at school, right?”

“Yeah, Jen,” Jared answers, careful, aware the plans they’d made earlier for playing some video games after Jensen got back from church tomorrow are kinda, well, over now. Jensen nods, heads for the door. Jared tries not to sigh _too_ loud. 

Estella is alone on the couch, Ethan’s probably gone upstairs to print out graphs on some new batshit insane theory, when Jared flops back down next to her. “Where’d your friend go?” she asks, cozying up to his side.

Jared hesitates, what just happened feeling too new and secret to share. “He had to head home,” he tells her, shrugging.

“Yeah?” she asks, placing a hand on his arm.

He turns to her, smiles his dimples. “Not everyone is a lazyass, Essy. Some of us actually have crap to get done on the weekends. He has to get up early tomorrow is all. Said to say bye,” he adds, hoping to end the conversation.

“Ugh. That boy doesn’t need any more beauty sleep. I can feel my hotness rating drop a point every time he steps in the room.”

“Aw, baby, don't be silly. You know you’re the choicest piece of ass in town.” Jared smiles, patting her cheek. 

“Yeah, whatever, Romeo,” she says, resting her head on his shoulder and hitting the play button on the remote.

Jared tucks a blanket up around Estella’s chin when the movie ends, kisses her forehead when she lets out a soft snore. He sits in his car for a long time at the end of Ethan’s driveway. Some song about all the things love does wrong plays on the radio. And the thing is, Jared’s lost Jensen before, he has. But this time feels different because it seems like he should have seen it coming. Could have done something to stop it. Not being able to kiss Jensen feels bad. But not being able to be friends with Jensen. That feels much worse. 

~~~~~o~~~~~ 

 

“So I ran into Jensen at the movies yesterday and he told me that he wants to have big, hot, gay sex with you,” Estella announces on Monday, plopping her lunch tray down next to Jared’s.

“I…he. _What_?”

“No, that totally didn’t happen. But it’s still true. I can tell these things. I’m good at reading people, I get it from my mami. I hate that about her.”

“He kissed me,” Jared blurts out, “the other night at Ethan’s. On the mouth…he was maybe a little stoned off his ass.”

“I. Told. You so! I mean, come on, JT. He might not have been sober, but it was still your lips he was smacking on, not mine. That’s got to tell you something,” she says, flipping her hair back.

“I think it tells me he did something he regrets while he was high and now he’s not talking to me to prove it.”

“You think too much. You over-analyze everything. Don’t worry,” she tells him, “it doesn’t make you any less attractive. I think it’s actually pretty cute. And I’m telling you, so does Jensen.” 

“Jensen’s most likely thinking that never even looking in my direction again is probably right up there with his SAT scores.”

“Maybe. But he could also be thinking that he doesn’t know how you feel about him after all the junk that went down between you guys. He might be totally embarrassed by making a move on you and he’s crying to his BFF right now over not knowing how to get you to loooove him again.”

Jared glances over at Jensen laughing with his friends. Right. “You are so weird.”

“Yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m not right about this. For real Jared, you’ve got to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Suck it up and be a man.”

“A man who talks about his manly _feelings_? Yeah, no.” Jared grimaces. “I’m really not gonna do that.” 

“Oh, come on. It’s your chance to tell him how you feel before you take off for California and find your ‘forever love’. Nobody likes baggage, Jared. And I don’t know if you’re thinking you’ll still have a shot when you get to college, but if you can’t talk to him when he’s sitting twenty-five feet away, what makes you think miles will help?” Estella shrugs, popping back her soda top. “Look, just do it. If you burn I will make you the most perfect broken heart mix you’ve ever heard in your life and feed you brownies and ice cream until your dick grows back.” 

Jared scowls. “Fuck off. I’m not doing it.”

“I’ll add rum to the brownies,” she tempts. “And walnuts.”

“I’m dumping you for Ethan.”

“Enjoy the sexless marriage!”

“Exactly like the one we’ve been having for the last two years?”

“Hey, I’m not the one who wasn’t willing to put out. Think of that when Ethan’s rolling over to the other side of the bed at night.”

Jared blows a breath out the side of his mouth. “These brownies better be topped with caramel,” he tells her. “ _Lots_.” 

~o~

Jared makes sure to walk over before Jensen’s dad gets home from work. He doesn’t worry about what Jensen’s mother might think, she’s always polite to him because she likes Jared’s mom.

Mrs. Ackles looks surprised when she opens the door, but quickly steadies her face with a warm smile. “Jared, hello! We haven’t seen you around here for a while.”

“Yep, been a long time, ma’am,” he says. And, oh fuck, this has already gone the way of awkward. “Jensen around?”

“Well it’s nice to see you, anyway. Jensen’s upstairs in his room, I’m sure you remember which one. I’m just on my way out, but tell your mom to give me a call soon.” 

“Will do, Mrs. Ackles,” he grins, fidgeting, and then jogs up the stairs as soon as she shuts the door behind her.

Jensen is lying on his bed, hands clasped behind his neck, staring into space as the music Jared picked out for him days back vibrates through the room. He turns his head when Jared closes the bedroom door.

“Hey,” Jared says, reaching to scratch at an imaginary itch on his arm. 

“Hey, Jare,” Jensen answers, getting up and moving to his stereo, hushing the sound.

Jared stands stupid. Trying to train his mouth around words he doesn’t think he can say out loud. “I…” he stops, swallows around his tongue. Jensen turns and looks at him. Jared stares straight back. And he knows. Sees it before Jensen even starts moving toward him. 

His breath holds when Jensen reaches him, as he drags the pad of his thumb across Jared’s mouth. Looks down at his lips and then Jared’s heart skips a beat when he brings his focus back up. “Can I?” Jensen asks. 

Jared stretches out a hand, rests it lightly on Jensen’s chest. Then, “Yeah,” he answers, “ _yes_.” Jensen smiles, and Jared swallows, then leans in and kisses his mouth.

Jensen’s lips are moving against his, and when Jared opens up, flicks his tongue across Jensen’s bottom lip, Jensen lets out a little sound and then kisses Jared right back, tongue moving inside his mouth, and jesus. It’s perfect. Jensen setting the pace, warm and soft and slow. He brings his hands up to frame Jared’s face, tilting his head and licking further into his mouth. Jared links his arms around Jensen’s back, one hand spread out across Jensen’s shoulder blade, the other pushing into the small of his back, pressing him closer in.

Jared feels the heat coming off Jensen’s skin, smells his scent every time he takes in a breath, the sensations hitting him in the gut and making it all feel _real_. Jared reaches up to lace his fingers at the back of Jensen’s neck. Hold on to him, _hold on_. 

Then Jensen brings his hands down to rest at Jared’s waist, and Jared’s fucking _gone_ at the feel of Jensen’s lips turning firmer, tongue wet as he strokes it into Jared’s mouth. He makes a noise that tumbles into Jensen, and Jensen draws back, whispers, “Jay,” before licking over his lips, teasing flicks and little sucks that drive Jared even more insane. He groans, feels Jensen smile against him, and then he slips his tongue back inside Jared’s mouth. Jared’s caught there, Jensen straining into him, their bodies held tight to each other, and Jared thinks he can almost hear his own heartbeat drumming out of his skin. _Jensen, Jensen, Jen_.

Jared wants to touch him, everywhere. His hands reach underneath Jensen’s shirt, teasing up his chest until he reaches a nipple and brushes his thumb over it. Jensen’s body tremors, thrusts forward against him, Jared’s cock throbbing at the contact. It feels good, feels fucking _amazing_ , and Jared rolls his hips and presses back, grinds his cock against Jensen’s. 

Jensen pulls back from the kiss, eyes big and filled with want, then he grips the muscle of Jared’s ass as he rubs up desperately against him. Jared moves with him–frantic, hard–twisting his hands into the cotton of Jensen’s shirt, and then he’s pulling at it, lifting up, trying to get it over Jensen’s head. He just wants to touch more of him. More, more, more _right fucking now_. 

“God,” Jensen says, stepping back, tugging his shirt off. “Fuck, Jared, wanna see you. Will you…”

Jared watches as Jensen drops his pants, takes his boxers down, and tosses them aside. Jared studies him, naked, stripped down. He can still see pieces of who Jensen once was, but he’s different now. Bigger, more defined, his muscles creating dips and lines that Jared doesn’t recognize. And it makes his stomach roll, his heart clench.

“Jay?” Jensen says, pausing at his hesitation. 

Jared bites at his bottom lip, feeling stupid. “Can you tell me?” 

“Tell you?” 

“Just…say that you really want this. That you’ve thought about it. That you really want _me_.” 

Jensen stares at him. Jared looks at the ground. Then Jensen answers, “Yeah.” There’s a pause as Jensen runs a hand over his mouth, then his breath hitches, and he says, “Jared, yeah. I have been jerking off to the memory of you for near three years now. Your lips, your cock, _fuck_ , the way you look at me when I’m sucking you off. I think about you like that. All the time. So…” 

“I…” Jared starts, stuck on silent until Jensen takes a step toward him, stares right into him. “Jesus, _Jensen_.” 

Jensen lets out a sound, a whine from the back of his throat, then moves forward and pulls Jared to him, fisting into the t-shirt across his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m just so fucking sorry but I want you, I do, so _much_.” Jared gasps in air, swallows around the noises he wants to make as Jensen bites his way up Jared’s neck.

“I’d think about you,” Jensen tells him, mouth brushing across Jared’s ear. “Stroke myself in bed at night and think about you. So fucking close, Jared, right next door, drove me nuts. Wondered if you still thought of me like that, too. I’d get so hard, shit, I’d lose it completely to the idea that you still did, that you still might.” 

Jared pulls back, runs his hands through Jensen’s hair, cradles his face. “Jensen, god, you know,” he tells him, honest. “You have to know—”

Jensen interrupts, pulls him in by his belt loops, grinding his dick against Jared’s hip. “I messed up. I messed us up. Thought about throwing your door open so many times and asking you, _begging you_ , fuck, to let me put my hands on you again.” 

Jared wants to say something. Maybe _holyfuckingyes_. Maybe _why didn’t you?_ Probably _jesus, do it now_ , but when he opens his mouth the only thing that comes out is air, harsh pants that flow to Jensen. Jensen breathes them in, pushes them back out, tells Jared, “I wanna touch you,” then palms him through the denim around Jared’s cock, “here.” 

“Yes,” Jared breathes, “yeah, fucking _come on_ , yes.” Jensen gives a squeeze to Jared's dick before tugging on his belt buckle. Jared toes his shoes off, shrugs his shirt over his head as his jeans hit the floor, and then they’re both standing naked, grabbing for each other, and Jared can’t feel anything anymore except the need to have Jensen touching him–hands, tongue, cock, _anything_ –god, _now_.

Jensen draws little circles above Jared’s hips, digs his fingers into the skin there as his gaze flickers over Jared’s bare body. “Jesus, _damn_ ,” he whispers, and his eyes find Jared’s. “You’re…Jare, you look different, _gorgeous_.” His tender stare turns dark as he yanks Jared by his hand to the bed, lays him flat on his back and straddles his hips. “I need to…god…Jared, I need,” Jensen whines and then his lips are on Jared’s, demanding, and Jared feels too much emotion, too much want, and it overwhelms. He pulls back. Stares at Jensen’s kiss-swollen lips, looks up to find him staring back. 

“Jared,” he chokes out, hoarse. “Please. Let me. Come on, come on, please. Want to, need to. Let me suck you, Jared. _Please_.” 

“God. God _damn_ , Jensen. You are so fucking—” and then Jensen’s lips seal around the head of his cock and the only sound coming from Jared’s mouth is a heavy moan. Jensen sucks at his tip. Little pulls and licks that send shivers down Jared’s spine and push his hips up wanting more. 

Jensen pulls off, gets a fist around Jared’s dick. “Fuck. _Fuck_ , Jared you taste so good.” He grabs his own dick in his other hand and tugs before telling Jared, “I wanna make you come. Inside me, Jay, inside my mouth.”

“Oh shit, please,” Jared pants, begs, as Jensen’s mouth finds his cock again. Jared stares down his body at Jensen’s flushed face. Gorgeous lips sliding up and down his shaft and meeting the hand Jensen’s got at his base. Jensen's touching himself. Long pulls and twists of his wrist, and that sight leaves Jared shuddering beneath him, panting his name until Jensen looks up with those dark eyes. He makes a noise–a long humming sound–then his mouth pauses around Jared’s cock as he lets out a grunt. Comes all over his hand, Jared’s skin, the sheets. Jared bucks up, pumps three times, and then loses it in Jensen’s mouth. 

Jensen moves up the bed, plops himself next to Jared. Jared swallows, mouth dry, and he hasn’t yet caught his breath. He can feel the weight of Jensen’s eyes on him and it makes him suddenly self-conscious. Afraid to turn and see what he’ll find looking back.

Jensen puts a finger on Jared’s chin, tilts his head and places a sweet kiss on the side of his mouth. Jensen is smiling. Jensen seems happy. Jared feels the sudden rush of the same feeling in response. 

“Thank you,” Jensen tells him, too sincere.

Jared pauses. Feels a heaviness there he doesn’t want. “Yeah, ‘cause that was really rough for me,” he says, light. “Getting a totally hot blowjob from a guy like _you_? I’m considering therapy, man, maybe some medication to get over it.” 

“No, I mean.” Jensen scrunches up his face, blows out through his mouth. “I _know_ , okay? I know I don’t deserve to have anything like that with you again.”

“Don’t be stupid, Jen, I wanted it. Never stopped wanting you.” He waits a beat, searches Jensen’s eyes. “You know that, right?”

Off Jensen’s shake of the head, Jared shrugs. “Hey, so, now you do. You hungry? ‘Cause I could seriously go for some grub right now.”

“Same old.” Jensen laughs and gets up to grab for his boxers at the end of the bed. Jared watches him, admiring the way the muscles in his back flex as he pulls his pants back on. The warmth of early evening strains in through the window and casts his skin with a warm glow. Jensen turns around and smiles through the sunlight. And Jared thinks he looks more gorgeous than ever. 

~~~~~o~~~~~ 

 

It’s hot outside this time of year–sweaty and rising with a promise there’s only more to come–and Jared feels the same way every time he has his hands on Jensen. Naked skin beaming with sex-flushed color, heat, when they rut against each other, when Jared lowers his mouth to whisper all the dirty things he wants to do, when Jensen makes him come so goddamn hard. Every. Single. Time.

Jared and Jensen are done with their after-school activities for the year and that means afternoons suddenly become lots more fun. They go to the movies, or maybe biking on a trail, but mostly they hang at Jared’s doing a whole lot of nothing. Sometimes they drive over to Whataburger and get it to go, eating in the car as Jensen plays CDs of all the bands he wants Jared to hear. Or they end up at Carmela's, this super tiny hole-in-the-wall that serves the best enchiladas with mole sauce the world has never known. Carmela always slides them mango aguas frescas on the house because she thinks they’re _cute_. She told them so one time while grinning and pointing back and forth between the two. Jared shrugged and laughed, and Jensen blushed and grinned, and Jared wished he could keep the moment in a photograph to carry around in his wallet forever. 

Jensen drags him to the park on Saturday afternoon to play basketball. The courts are all filled up and there’s enough people standing around that it might take ages before they can get a game. 

Jared whines and mopes until Jensen rolls his eyes and calls him a baby. “Come on then,” he says, “Let’s get the princess his shade. Do you need some apple juice, too? They might sell it back at the snack stand but I don’t think you can get it in a sippy cup.” 

“It’s a mystery why I like you. A twenty man think tank might need to be involved to figure that one out.”

“It’s because of my bangin' bod,” he tells Jared plainly. “And my face. I’m pretty hot.”

Jared smirks, and nods, he has to agree. “Maybe, but I think I better touch you for myself to test that theory out.” 

“What, you forget about this morning already? I’m hurt, Jare, seriously, my ego may never recover.” He looks Jared up and down and then smiles wickedly. “Come on, then.”

He heads them up a trail, the trees quieting the rush of sound coming from the park. Jensen stops when they’re five minutes in, turns back to Jared and says, “You wanna put your hands on me, you gotta catch me first.” And before Jared can even process that, he’s gone, jogging through the twists and bends of the narrow pathway. 

Jared laughs and takes off, wind sweeping the bangs from his eyes as he increases his speed. He catches Jensen a minute later and grabs him from behind, wraps his arms around Jensen's chest and holds him close as pants into the back of his neck.

“So what do you think,” Jensen says, voice low, “feel good?”

“Not exactly the part of you I was thinking about touching.” Jared places a quick kiss into Jensen's hair, then sighs. “And standing in the middle of a public track isn’t really going to work for what I had in mind.”

“Guess that’s just too bad because I was going to take you back home and let you touch me _anywhere_ you wanted after you played me one at the court,” Jensen says, and then rolls his hips back, pushing his ass into Jared’s crotch.

And, damn, Jensen _does_ feel good, rocking back into him, friction heating up Jared’s cock. Jared curses, spins Jensen around and says, “You’re such a fuckin’ tease, Ackles,” before lowering his head and pressing his lips to Jensen’s mouth. 

Jensen shivers, kisses him back, then pulls away and says, “Well, what’re you gonna do about it?” Jared looks at him – at his taunting eyes and smirking mouth – then fists his hands in Jensen’s shirt and shoves him up against the bark of tree trunk. 

Jensen stares up at him, expression startled, and Jared tells him, “Don’t start something you don’t have the balls to finish, Jen. Might get the wrong idea and think you want it.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, then tucks a strand of Jared’s hair behind his ear. “Didn’t mean to get you all worked up. Least not until we get back to your place.” He smiles and then licks his lips. “Guess you’re just easier than I thought.”

“Hmm.” Jared narrows his eyes. “Are you still asking for it?”

Jensen shrugs. “I think I’m having some trouble stopping myself. It might be a problem.”

“That so?” Jared asks. “Maybe we need to take care of that for you.”

“Want to,” Jensen agrees, and then smiles. “I like it that you’re so easy to get going. Makes me feel nice.”

“Jensen, you have _no_ idea,” Jared tells him, digging his fingers into Jensen’s waist.

Jensen reaches up, smoothes his thumb across Jared’s cheekbone and kisses him once, sweet, on the mouth. “Think I do,” he whispers, eyes honest.

The sound of a dog’s bark disturbs their quiet, and Jared startles, takes a step back.

“This is a public walkway you know.”

Jared flushes, stares down at his shoes before meeting her eyes. She’s young, mid-twenties or so, and her pretty face is lined with disgust. A Golden Retriever stands at her heels, tongue panting as his tail wags behind.

“Sorry ma’am,” he apologizes, all manners. 

“Don’t be sorry to me,” she tells him. “Be sorry to God. What you’re doing there is a sin.”

Jared debates telling her to fuck off and die to Heaven already but takes one look at Jensen’s horrified face and decides not. 

She tosses them a nauseated glare as she walks by, as if they are something unclean, and mutters audibly under her breath, “Faggots.” 

Jensen stands there, frozen and shocked, and Jared wraps his hand around Jensen's wrist, says his name once. 

“Let go,” Jensen says, and Jared stares at him dumbly. “Let go, I said!” He twists out of Jared’s grip and puts his hand to his mouth. And Jared thinks _he’s_ the one who’s going to be sick.

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t know what else to say. Jared remembers the first time he heard the word faggot tossed his way. The times he was scolded and told that God doesn’t love a queer. That he’s something deviant, something wrong. How hard it was to tell his parents, and how their love for him took parts of the hurt away. 

But Jensen hasn’t known any of that for himself before now. He’s been treated like something special. Adored and idolized. And Jared is afraid of even thinking about Jensen’s friends and family seeing him this way. It’s not the same.

Jensen nods his head, looks at Jared through watery eyes, then takes a swing at the tree trunk. The sound of his hand meeting bark cracks through the forest, reverberates in Jared’s head. _Jesus_.

Jensen shakes his fist out, turns his back on Jared, and walks away.

Jared’s stomach turns.

~o~

Jared drags his ass home and lies in bed like a lump. He doesn’t know if this was enough to make Jensen stop speaking to him but he’s pretty much certain he’ll never get to put his hands on him again. It might be better that way, anyhow. Keeping on like this would’ve just made it harder for him to let go when they both left for college. 

He’d already sort of wondered if getting together with him was somehow Jensen’s way of saying goodbye to his childhood, his past. And when he started someplace else, he’d want something new. Something better. Someone not Jared who he could hold hands with in public, kiss on the corner of a street while waiting for the light to change, someone he could talk about when he phoned home. 

Jared wants some country music. Jared wants a bottle of whiskey. Jared wants to cry. But mostly, Jared still just wants Jensen.

There’s a soft knock on his bedroom door and Jared must have a very good fairy godmother because Jensen appears. Minus the whiskey, though. Better luck next time.

Jensen sucks his lower lip into his mouth and stares around the room a bit before saying, “Hey.”

Jared clears his throat, gives him a shaky smile.

Jensen sits down on the edge of the bed. He stalls for a moment and then places his hand on Jared’s thigh. His knuckles are torn, swollen, and bruising up, and Jared’s whole heart breaks for him.

“I’m sorry I freaked on you,” Jensen says, sighing. “That was really fucking horrible of me and I wish I hadn’t done that.”

“Jensen,” Jared starts, “it’s _okay_. I understand and it’s my fault anyway.”

Jensen snorts. “Jared, in what universe is it _your_ fault?”

“I kissed you first,” Jared reminds.

“Yeah, and I kissed you back. Fuck, Jared, _I’m_ the one who started the whole thing up.” He shakes his head. “But that doesn’t matter, anyway. The only one who should have something to feel bad about is _her_. Using what she thinks God’s about to shame and calling us names.”

“Well, that’s kinda what happens around here, Jen.” He waits a moment, blows out a breath, then says, “I get it if you don’t want to do this. I’m not gonna be mad if you want to stop this with me right now. But Jensen, this time I really want us to stay friends.” 

Jensen frowns at him, creases his forehead. “Oh, Jay, no. No, I’m okay, I just needed a little while, but I’m okay.” He strokes his thumb back and forth across Jared’s thigh. “I’ve spent enough time in my head all these years imagining what it would feel like to hear those things. It’s just…I didn’t know it would hurt so bad when they were actually said out loud. Took me by surprise and I acted like a real asshole. Thought you might be pretty pissed at me.”

“Not pissed at you,” Jared chokes out. “Just hate seeing you hurt.”

Jensen lies down beside him. Lifts a hand to thread through Jared's hair. “Think we should go back and funnel a shit-ton of water into her gas tank?”

Jared laughs, Jensen grins, and then rolls his eyes. “Like any god wouldn’t love the hell out of me. I’m too good-looking for this bullshit.”

“Yeah,” Jared tells him fondly. “You really are.”

~~~~~o~~~~~ 

 

On Sunday, Jared sleeps in until Jensen crawls under the sheets with him, wakes him up with little bites and soft breaths. Jared smiles and rambles on about a dream he had; all colors and images and feelings, and he thinks maybe Jensen was there, too. 

“Do you always talk so much when someone’s trying to get in your pants?”

“Only you. I think it turns you on. And I’m not wearing pants right now, anyway." 

“Mm,” Jensen agrees, rubbing his hand in lazy patterns over Jared’s belly. “Hey Jare,” he says, stilling his movements. “What was he like?”

“He who?”

“That boyfriend you had for a while. That short dude.”

“He was near six foot, Jen.”

“Whatever.”

Jared laughs, pinches the tip of Jensen’s pinkie between his fingers. “He was nice to me, I guess. Older, he was in college. We didn’t have a lot in common.”

“Besides all the hot sex?”

“You’re totally hilarious, Jensen.”

“Well, he sounds _really_ stupid,” Jensen tells him, planting a wet, sloppy kiss on his shoulder.

Jared feels a smile tugging at his lips, warm with the thought of Jensen being jealous. “He was okay. But he wasn’t you. Nobody else like you, Jen.”

“Good,” Jensen declares, brushing a finger across Jared’s nipple. “Because I think you’re probably way better off hanging with me.”

“I don’t know,” Jared kids. “You think?”

“Oh, for sure. I’m totally amazing and way smart and fantastic in bed,” Jensen tells him, lowering his hand until he finds Jared’s cock, already hard.

“Yeah?” Jared breathes, moving his hips up to meet the strokes of Jensen’s hand.

“No one else like me, Jare,” he reminds, lowering himself to meet Jared’s lips. “But then,” he says in between little nips at Jared’s mouth, “there’s no one else like you, either.”

“Mmph,” he answers as Jensen speeds up his strokes along Jared’s shaft.

“Yeah, I think you’re kinda awesome sometimes.” Jensen sucks on the lobe of his ear.

Jared gasps, lets out a full moan, when Jensen twists his wrist just right. “Only sometimes?”

“ _Most_ times,” Jensen rephrases. “You’re smart, and you’re nice, and you make me laugh. You let me laugh at stupid shit. I think it’s ‘cause you’re such a fuckin’ dork.” He moves to straddle Jared’s hips, runs a hand down Jared’s chest. There’s a look in his eye that resembles something like affection. Or maybe it’s just lust. Jared isn’t certain. 

“And you’re gorgeous _all the time_. Even when you are dorkin’ out. Love watching you study. You know you always suck on the end of your pen, right? So fucking hot. Gets me hard in class.”

“Jesus, Jensen.” Jared steadies his hands on Jensen’s hips. “You get hard during school thinking about me?” 

Jensen leans forward, traps their cocks in between their bodies and rubs them up against each other. “You’re a goddamn distraction to my life, Padalecki. It’s gotta stop, it’s gross, really.” 

Jared would feel bad, but then, he knows how Jensen feels. He spreads his legs, takes a nip at Jensen’s neck, and smirks, “Blow me.” 

And Jensen does. 

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

Javier’s driveway is packed by the time they arrive but Jared manages to find a spot not too far down the block. “Tell me again why we’re doing this.”

“Because hanging out with you is keeping me from my glamorous social life. I have a reputation to uphold here,” Jensen jokes, rubbing his fingertips over Jared’s knuckles. “Gotta make the scene, man, keep my fans interested.”

“Oh my god, you are so lame.” 

“Jay.” Jensen sighs. “I want to be able to hang with my friends and have you around, too. When you’re not with me it just makes me miss you too much. I have to write about it in my diary when I get home. _Today: Jared-absent. Felt like something was ripped from my soul. Must cry in my special corner_. Am I oversharing here?”

“Funny, asshole.” 

“Don’t you love asshole? Don’t answer that. I already know I’m all class.” 

Jensen manages to hold Jared’s glare for a moment, then, “No, but really,” he says, linking their hands. “These people are my friends. You’ve known most of them your whole life, what’ve you got to be worried about?”

“Oh, huh, Jen, I don’t know. Maybe about them calling me a queer, spiking my drink with Rohypnol, and then something that ends along the lines of _Carrie_. Just that.”

“No one’s gonna be a jerk to you, Jared,” Jensen tells him, earnest. “It’s fine at school, right?”

“Yeah, because at school I’m just some dorky guy who does my own thing. I’m like, invading their _territory_ here. Some people aren’t going to like that much, Jense.”

“Look, if anything happens, we’ll take off,” Jensen says, squeezing Jared's hand. “Right after I rip their lungs out and feed them to Javier’s dog. Okay? I really want you to come. I really want you to, Jay,” he pleads, all wide eyes. 

“Alright,” Jared sighs, “yeah. Adam Plummer going to be here?” 

“Nope, that jackass is on restriction for calling his mom a bitch. In public.”

“Seriously?” Jared groans. “What the hell is _wrong_ with that kid?”

“Fuck if I know,” Jensen answers, “I’ve never liked the dude.” He bites his lip. “You know, Jared, if anything goes wrong I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah,” Jensen says, and brings two of Jared’s fingers to his mouth, sucking them inside and rolling them on his tongue. 

“Ohhh.”

Jensen smiles around Jared’s fingers, letting them go with a kiss to their tips. “ _Yeah_. You ready to go in?”

“Right, now that I’m about a second away from popping a boner. That sounds great, really.”

Jensen laughs because he’s evil. “Let’s leave early. I have plans for me and your dick tonight. I guess you can be invited, too, but only ‘cause I’m generous like that.” Jensen opens the car door, puts one foot out. “Come on, there is alcohol waiting for me to drink it.” 

They’re greeted by a small blonde girl who bounces up and down on her toes when she sees them and sings out, “Jensen!” before smothering him in a tight hug.

“Kira, hey.” Jensen unwraps from her and shoves Jared in her space. “This is Jared, you guys know each other?”

“Yeah!” Kira answers, all smiles. “We worked together on _Camelot_. I never forget a hot guy in tights.” She tosses Jared a wink. 

“Oh, right,” Jensen agrees, “you guys did nice with that.”

“I…you… _saw that_?” Jared spits.

Kira laughs, giving Jared’s hand a light tap. “Good to see you, Jared. Glad you came.” She waves a red plastic cup in the air and tells Jensen, “Brianna’s here, she’s looking for you. I’m gonna go find my next round. Have fun guys!”

“Brianna?” Jared asks after Kira steps away. 

“She’s that friend I’m taking to prom,” Jensen reminds.

“Oh, right.”

Jensen pushes them farther into the house. He runs a hand down Jared’s back, then smiles wicked. “Now let’s go get me sloppy drunk.”

Jared grabs a beer and Jensen does two tequila shooters before grabbing Jared by the elbow and tugging him over to a group of guys Jared recognizes from the football team.

Jared watches Jensen with his friends and it’s charming, it is. Jensen’s eyes lit up and smile all bright. Jared feels a wave of affection and swallows it down with a chug from his bottle. Heart eyes and dopey grins are probably best saved for a time that is not now. Javier is talking about getting a hoop game together the next day and he turns to Jared, asks, “You play sports?”

“Kinda mostly no,” Jared tells him, picking at the label on his beer. “I play for fun and stuff but I’m not really any good at it and—”

“Jared, you are a liar, man,” Jensen interrupts, swinging an arm around Jared’s neck. “This jerk-off kicks my ass at basketball damn near every time.”

“Yeah,” Jared grins, “guess I do. But that’s only ‘cause you suck. Like, really a lot.”

“Fucker,” Jensen growls, lowering Jared down into a headlock. “I am going to _hurt_ you.”

Jared twists up, pokes his thumb hard into the flesh where Jensen’s ribcage meets his waist.

“Son of a bitch, that hurt!” Jensen protests, letting go of Jared and rubbing at the sore spot.

Jared straightens, clicks Javier’s bottle with his own as the other guy huffs out a laugh at Jensen’s wuss factor. Then says, “Nah, but most of the sports I like playing are on the N-64.” 

“Nice.” Javier nods. “I’ve got Wrestlemania 2000 set up in the den. You want?” 

“Totally, man,” Jared answers, finishing off his beer. “Lemme grab another and then we’re on.”

The thing about Jared and video games is that Jared kicks ass at video games. Which everyone gathered around quickly realizes. Jared’s only real competition of the night is Rob Wells. Whom Jared knows from way back and who he isn’t afraid to shit-talk. Which, you know, is most of the fun in playing against someone else.

“Wrong. Your mom is the only thing going down,” Rob tells him. “On my dick. That is what I am saying.”

“Yeah, I got that, fuckwad,” Jared answers, shoving into Rob's shoulder. The part about being designated driver is that you can’t drink all that much. Two hours in and Jared’s only just started on his third beer. Rob on the other hand has just passed the point of ‘your mom’ jokes and is about two straight shots away from taking his clothes off.

“Screw this,” Rob mumbles and pushes off the couch. “I’ve gotta piss.” 

Jared settles back and lets himself find Jensen across the room. Javier’s in the middle of a story, arms waving around for dramatic effect, and Jensen throws his head back, laughs. Brianna’s on his left and Jared watches as she places her hand at the crook of Jensen's elbow. He leans down and she steps on tip-toes to whisper something in his ear.

When Jensen asked if Jared was going to prom he’d told him about his plans with Estella and Jensen looked relieved, telling him he had plans with a friend, too. But, okay, Jared had just figured he and Jensen would both show up with their dates and sort of end up hanging with each other. Watching the way Brianna’s eying Jensen now, Jared thinks she has entirely different ideas on how the night will end up. 

Jensen catches his eye and smiles. Jared shrugs, smiles back. Jensen’s lips quirk further up and he lets his gaze travel up and down Jared – slow, intimate – before turning back to catch what Javier’s just said. God, he’s fucking hot. And it’s sort of tragically unfair that just a _look_ from Jensen can turn Jared into such a mess. 

“Jare,” Jensen calls over the music, “Javier’s going to show me how to mix a Last “F” You. See ya in a few!”

“Right,” he shouts across the room, nods. He wants to go with, but there’s not really a casual way to do that without looking ‘eager puppy’ pathetic. 

He’s sitting on the couch watching Stephanie from Lit class dance to Blink 182’s _All the Small Things_ with some dude he doesn’t recognize. Dancing is a nice way to put it, he thinks. Dry-humping while standing might be more accurate. 

He’s slowly nursing his beer when he gets a warm lapful of wriggling girl and most of what’s left of her bottle of Corona down the front of his shirt. “Hey,” she says, drawing the word out and then giggling. “You’re Jared, right?” 

“Yeah,” he smiles, tight, wiping uselessly at the mess down his front. “Hi.”

“You were in my pottery class last year,” she informs him, poking a nail into his chest. “I’m Kristie. You probably don’t remember me because I was too shy to talk to you.”

“No, yeah,” Jared says, “I remember.”

“You noticed me?” she asks, giggling again. 

“Sure. You made that really awesome vase Miss Hensen pissed herself over for like a week straight.”

“Yeah.” Kristie smiles. “I did.” She settles down in his lap and, okay, awkward. “Hey Jared?”

“Yeah?” 

“I always thought you were really hot. Like _totally_ hot. And,” she continues, wrapping both her arms around him. “I’m not shy when I’m drunk. At all.”

“Okay, Kristie,” he tells her, removing her arms from his neck and setting her next to him on the couch. “I’m really flattered but I’m sort of seeing someone.”

Her face falls as she frowns, wrinkles her forehead. “It’s not a guy, right?”

“Um, why?” Jared asks, hoping there are not rumors going around about Jensen. 

“Well, people are always saying you’re gay but I’ve never seen you with another guy. So I sort of thought it was just talk because people can be jerks.”

“No,” Jared tells her. “That’s true. I mean…I like guys. I’m gay.” He gives her a hesitant smile.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Jared says, smile faltering. “Oh.”

“You ever think you might just feel that way because you haven’t been with the right girl? Because $50 says I can give you oral that will totally blow your mind.” 

Jesus _fuck_. Where the hell is Jensen, and what do you say to _that_ , and. “Uh,” he stammers, “I think I spilled something on my shirt. I’m just gonna go take care of that.” 

“You’re _leaving_?” she asks, eyebrows arched.

“Yeah, okay,” he says, standing. “I think so. Yeah.”

“Whatever,” Kristie says, dismissing him with a hand wave, and when Jared glances back, she’s already running her hands down some other guy’s chest. 

Jared peels his wet t-shirt away from his body and sniffs at it. Better drive the speed limit on the way home tonight. Which is where he wants to go right now. He’s soaked and spent on the party and, of course, he has his cock to think of. 

Jared looks around the kitchen for Jensen but the only one in there is Rob who is busy mixing up some sort of gigantic sundae out of half the food in the house. “What’s up?” he greets. “You seen Jensen?” 

“Went out back with Javier,” Rob answers around a mouthful of Oreo, the remainder of which he is currently sprinkling on top of his creation. “This is gonna be the best fucking thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. And that’s counting Shelia Everson.” He snorts, amused at his own joke. “What some?” he asks, gesturing toward the ice cream blob. 

“Nah, I’m cool,” Jared laughs. “I think I’m just about ready to take off, catch you later, man.”

“Later Padalecki.”

Jared finds Jensen with a small group of friends filling up the lawn chairs around a fire pit in the back yard. Javier is strumming some soft melody on his guitar, voice rising gently, a few girls swaying and giggling as he picks at the chords. His dog lies in the grass at his feet. And Jensen is, well…Jensen is sitting in a chair with Brianna on his lap. Brianna with tanned gold skin, and long wavy black hair that looks soft to touch, and a tight blue dress which is currently riding high up her thighs. 

Time swims, and Jared’s stomach tightens, and Javier hits the end of the song with a howl up into the night. When Jared finally forces his feet to move, he can hear Brianna talking, and Jensen, he’s got his hand resting on her hip. 

“Jensen’s my date for prom,” she’s telling the girl sitting opposite her across the fire. She turns to Jensen. “My dress is black so you can bring me whatever color corsage.”

“Okay.” Jensen grins at her, lazy and beautiful, and _fuck_. Jared’s hands tighten around his keys, digging them into the skin of his palm.

Jared can see this girl looking at Jensen and _wanting_. And thinking about getting him naked. And Jared could see Jensen going along with it, spreading her out and pushing in. Jared can imagine them making out in the hall before class and sharing food at lunch. He can see an entire life laid out for them with marriage and babies and a rose garden house. And it makes him feel like going back inside and putting his fist right through the wall.

“Hey,” Jared says, finding his voice. “I’m taking off, think you can find your own ride home?”

Jensen looks up at him, questioning. “I’ll give you a ride, Jensen,” Brianna says. Jared grinds his teeth, shoots Jensen a look, then walks off. 

Jensen catches up with him as Jared reaches his car. “Hey! I wanna come with.”

“No.”

“What, why?”

“Right, huh. You seriously can’t imagine?”

“Jared, what’s wrong?"

“Nothing, I’m fantastic, really amazing! I’ll have to remember this feeling for the next time I want to smash your face in.”

Jensen flinches, wrinkles his brows. “What the fuck, Jare? Is this about Brianna sitting on my lap, because—” 

“Just shut up, I don’t want to hear it.” 

“Jared—” 

“No.”

“Seriously,” Jensen says, quiet. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You’re not gonna quit, are you?”

Jensen shrugs. “Hey, man. I just wanna know what’s goin’ on with you.”

“Okay, you wanna get into this here?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Then tell me why the actual _fuck_ , Jensen, you do not get that I might have a problem with you going to prom with that girl.”

“What’s wrong with that? I thought you were going with Estella.”

“Yeah, as in, with Estella and a bunch of other _friends_. You know, a _group_ thing. Not whatever suckfest you have going on with Brianna.”

“She’s just a friend, Jay, been one for a long time now. She asked me months ago, before anything happened with you. There’s no time for her to find a new date now.”

“Then let her go alone!”

“I can’t do that to her, Jared! It’s prom. She’s a _girl_. You know how they get about these things. She’s probably had some dumbass fantasy of it in her head for years now.” 

“Right,” Jared snorts, “a fantasy that ends with you _fucking her_ , Jensen.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But why would you want me _miserable_ the entire night watching you with her? I saw you. I saw you two back there just now and it made me sick. Think she’s gonna want to dance by herself, Jensen? You think she won’t have her hands, her goddamn _body_ rubbing all over you? I can’t watch that. I can’t make myself feel like that for you again. I won’t. And you know what, fuck it, you guys have fun, I just won’t go at all.”

Jensen's just standing there, watching him, very still. Jared opens the door to his car, gets in, then Jensen answers, irritated, “If that’s what makes you happy, Jared.”

“Oh, screw you, Jensen! I’m not _happy_ about it. I’m not happy at all. I’m fucking in love with you and you’re going to prom with someone else.” 

“I…wait, you’re what?”

“I’m pissed!”

“Yeah. Caught that part.”

“Right. Well, maybe you should’ve caught on to that other part by now, too, Jensen. Can’t say I see how you don’t know it’s the truth.”

Jensen stares at him, rubs a hand across his jaw. “Jared, wait. I'm sorry. I’m so sorry. I just thought—” 

“No. You didn’t. Never have, except for about yourself. But I guess that’s my problem, not yours, so. I’ll see you later.”

“Please don't do this, Jay,” Jensen says, quiet. But Jared does. Slams the door and drives off.

~~~~~o~~~~~

Jared spends Sunday packing for his vacation to New York with the Drama Club for their annual spring trip. Begging his parents to pay for this as a graduation present had seemed like a good idea at the time. All bright lights and big city, and Estella is going, too. But that was before Jensen. Before spending a week away from him doing anything seemed like a colossal waste of time. When they only have these last few weeks together. Or. Maybe not. Jared isn’t sure how much damage was done last night by their argument. Jared isn’t sure how much damage he did last night with his I _love_ you. Jared isn’t sure.

He tries to see through Jensen's point of view. The way Jared would think nothing of sitting Estrella on his own lap. But it doesn't feel the same, not with their history, and Jared can't help the hurt that still aches when he thinks of Jensen leaving like that. Maybe that's unfair, and Jared can't even say exactly what he wants, but he knows it's not ever going to feel okay seeing somebody else touching Jensen like that. 

When Jared still hasn’t heard from Jensen by the time he leaves for the airport the next morning, he’s pretty sure the answer to how much damage was done is _lots_. Jared doesn’t want to spend all of his holiday obsessing, but that’s not going to stop him from doing it anyway.

It suddenly becomes apparent to Jared that Simba and Nala are totally fated and meant to be when they watch the _The Lion King_ on Broadway. And then the Statue of Liberty is holding a torch…for Jensen. He stares too long at Paul Klee’s _Tale à la Hoffmann_ until he starts reading their relationship into it and has to blink back tears, and, uh, he is actually pretty certain that is seriously pathetic. Jared is fucked up. Jared is screwed, basically.

Yvette Abney has sort of buddied up with Estella and Jared on the trip. Jared doesn’t mind, he’s always liked her, and he figures Estella would have probably gotten sick of him three days back without the distraction.

The girls get attention everywhere they go. Estella with her full lips, and big brown eyes, and Playboy hips. Yvette is pretty much her opposite, all sharp lines and angles, and Jared thinks she’s really pretty in an unconventional way. 

A young waiter is flirting with the girls while he takes their order at a small café down the block from their hotel. Jared doesn’t think it’s just for the tip. Estella leans her chin on her hand and blinks up at him with her lashes. He winks at her before he walks away.

“Oh, _wow_ ,” she says, smacking Jared on the arm. “That is a fine ass, JT, look at that.”

“Eh,” he mumbles, “he’s alright. Not as nice as Jensen’s.”

“Oh, please.” Estella shakes her head and folds her napkin into her lap. “Adonis could magically spring to life and you would say he doesn’t have anything on Jensen.”

“Jensen Ackles _is_ pretty dreamy,” Yvette tells them.

Estella grimaces and holds the face as she says, “Not you, too.”

Yvette shrugs. “It's seriously true.”

Jared rolls his neck. _Jensen_. He tries to hold back, spare Estella, _again_ , but then groans out, “Why didn’t he call? Didn't he want to make it better before I left?”

Estella frowns, rubs his thigh under the table. “I don’t know, Jared.”

“Tell me what’s going on,” Yvette says, and okay, Jared really shouldn’t feel _eager_ for the prompt to talk about Jensen, but. He is. Estella pulls her hand back.

Yvette points her fork in his direction as Jared finishes the story. “It’s your move,” she says plainly.

“My move?”

“Yes. One, you got upset. Two, Jensen said he was sorry. It would only be logical of him to wait for you to take the next step. You know he’s sorry, he said so, and harassing you to talk to him before you’re ready might only make things worse. That’s what I would think, anyway. Are you still angry with him?”

“Well, I…” Jared starts. “I mean, I hate the thought of him going to prom with her.”

“Do you trust him? Like is this a dealbreaker type of thing?”

“It's—” Jared pauses, thinks about what to say. He doesn’t want Jensen to take Brianna to prom but he also doesn’t want to keep feeling this way. He doesn’t want to feel this way about _Jensen_. So he thinks about who Jensen is, thinks about the reasons Jensen might have for taking Brianna to prom, and the easy way Jensen never stopped to think Jared shouldn't trust him on that. It has to mean something. It might even mean Jensen's head is so full of Jared that he'd never stopped to think it could go anywhere else, and Jared thinks he gets that. So he can choose stay pissed or he can choose to move on, be vulnerable, trust Jensen again. And they can be okay. Maybe they can really be okay. “Guess it's not,” he decides, and his dimples come quick, and right in Yvette’s direction.

~o~

Jared’s flight lands on Friday afternoon. He’s decided to wait until after tomorrow night to talk to Jensen because by then whatever’s gonna happen between him and Brianna at prom will have already played out. Jared sleeps straight through the night. He takes this as a good sign.

Jared heads to the park near his house and tosses up free throws for a bit to try to distract himself. He pictures all the other kids he knows who are spending their time getting ready for prom. He’s always done things just a little bit different, and maybe it’s okay that he’s here doing this different, too. 

He thinks about the way deciding to trust someone isn't the hard part. It's standing by that trust that can turn difficult with time. Jared figures tonight will tell the story with him and Jensen. He just needs to wait it out, and he knows that's gonna suck, it's not going to come easy. 

Estella predictably calls up early that evening and tells him he’s not backing out and she’ll be there in an hour to pick him up, and he better look _gorgeous_. 

Jared informs her he has more important things to do with his time. “Like brood. Hardcore sweating it out. For real, Essy, I don’t wanna ruin your night.”

“I am going to kick the crap out of Jensen Ackles.”

“Don’t kick him too hard, I still kind of like his nuts.”

“Jensen is ridiculous and arrogant and I have no idea how he got into Stanford because he’s obviously dumb as a rock.”

Jared sighs, twists the phone cord around his finger. “This isn’t helping, seriously. Jensen wants to do the whole American Teen thing and if I really love him, I’ll let him have that.”

“Jared,” Estella says, making a clicking sound with her tongue.

“Look, I’ll act totally bitchy next time I see him. Pout a lot, slam a few things around, maybe cry a little. It’ll be a real soulful and heart-wrenching moment. Then he can make it up to me with blowjobs. Don’t worry about me. I’m gonna be fine. Go have fun.”

There’s a long pause in which he hears her breathing into the phone, then she says, quiet, “I love you, Jared. I love you a whole lot.”

“I love you, too, Essy,” he says. And if his eyes are watering up a little, well, he hasn’t had a lot of sleep this past week is all. “Be good. No threesomes. The girlfriend always gets pissed when she sobers up.”

“You’re a real funny guy, totally hilarious,” she tells him. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Not if I call you first.” He smiles into the phone. “Now go show everyone how you shake that rump. If you get any cash, I demand 40%.”

“10% and it’s a deal. Talk to you later, JT.”

“Later,” he says, hanging up and turning on his side to flip through his CD collection.

When the doorbell rings an hour later, Jared rolls his eyes because, goddamn it, he told her no and he is _not_ letting her trick him into this somehow.

He opens the door and Jensen’s standing there in jeans and a t-shirt, holding up a box of pizza in one hand. He smiles, genuine and sunny, and Jared thinks it’s the first time in the past week he’s taken a breath and meant it. 

Jensen shrugs. “I figured pizza's way better than flowers, anyway.” 

“Guess that depends on if you’re planning on sharing.”

“Only with you,” Jensen says, and he looks hesitant for a moment, which is really, really stupid. Because if he doesn’t know by now that Jared is batshit insane for him…well he really should. “Can I come in?”

“I could never say no to a pretty pizza.”

“Har har.” Jensen arches an eyebrow. “Your parents around?”

“No.” He pauses. “They went to prom.” Jensen stifles a snicker. Jared shrugs. “You know, Mom’s on the PTA board and Dad…pretty much goes wherever she drags him.”

“Smart guy, your mom is hot.”

“This is a very gross and disturbing way you have of making up with me,” Jared tells him, pulling a face. “For real, Jen, what are you doing here, don’t you have a girl waiting on you somewhere?”

“Nah, figured out that ruining a friend’s night was probably a way better idea than ruining my boyfriend’s.”

Jared heard a song once. That song was about walking on sunshine. _And don’t it feel good, hey_! Standing in his bare feet on prom night, Jared completely understands that song.

“Boyfriend, huh?” Jared says, and he guesses the grin that spreads across his entire face probably says a lot more than that.

“Yeah,” Jensen answers, happy. “Yeah, I mean. Is that, Jay…is that what you want? Because I really, really want that to be what you want.”

“You’re so clueless, Ackles,” he tells him, taking the pizza from Jensen's hands, and pressing a kiss to his mouth. “It’s totally sad.”

“I can tell by the way you are making fun of me, that’s a yes.”

Jared goes to grab for his hand, notices a bracelet around Jensen's wrist, and it’s _that one_ , the black jelly bracelet Jared gave him so long ago when his parents forced him into spending the summer at his aunt’s. And, god, Jensen actually kept it all these years. Jensen is wearing it _now_. Jared pulls him in close, and breathes out into his hair. “Yes. I want that, Jen. Maybe always have.”

Jared lets go and takes a step back before he says something really sappy that he is sure to enjoy regretting later. “Come on, let’s eat in my room. I’m very busy up there listening to depressing music. It’s fucking rad times, you probably don’t want to miss out.”

~o~

“You’re lying. You wrote that yourself. You’re a fucking bastard and a liar and I don’t believe you at all.”

“Clearly you're just upset because you’ve finally come to the realization that I am more awesome than you! This fact is supported not only by this message of love etched to me by your former girlfriend – who obviously only went for you when she was rejected by me – but also—”

“Whatever, she probably only wrote that because she thought it was _my_ yearbook,” Jensen tells him, smiling smugly.

“Sure! That’s why she starts it, _Hey Jared_ , makes sense. Anyway, I would like to cement your status as loser by informing you that I once peeked Abby Miller’s Rate Book back in middle school and found my name listed under ‘Hottest Hotties’ where I'm sitting a whole spot ahead of you. Does it hurt? Does it make you cower a little? I bet!” Jared cackles, waving their 7th grade yearbook in Jensen’s face.

“Your heart is black and dead inside and smells of Satan.”

“False! My heart pumps out puppies and lollipops and you love it.”

Jensen laughs, leans in and places a kiss on the tip of Jared’s nose. “Hey, about what you said that night. Being in love with me?”

“Yeah, sorry. That was a shitty way to blurt it out.”

“Nah, glad you did. And. I think that, too, you know.”

“That you’re in love with yourself?”

“Fuck off,” Jensen laughs, all affection. “You’re an ass.”

“I am very interested in how you’re so in love with me but don’t like me very much. Tell me more! I like where this conversation is going,” Jared exclaims, flopping down next to Jensen on the bed.

“I sometimes like you. When you give me blowjobs. I like blowjobs.”

“I kinda like giving them, too. Kinda like giving them, especially, to you.”

“Is that right?”

“Mmhmm. You’re sort of wicked hot. And you taste fucking _amazing_.”

Jensen leans in and swipes his tongue across Jared’s lower lip. “Missed you,” he whispers against his mouth. “Missed you so much.”

“You did? _How_ much?”

Jensen sighs, rubs his forehead back and forth against Jared’s. “Jerked off thinking about you every day.”

Jared’s eyes flutter shut as he takes in a breath, imagines Jensen spread out like that, stroking his cock for _Jared_ , and when he blinks open, he says, “Show me.”

“Jared,” Jensen says. “I don’t…I can’t…just kiss me already.”

“No, I want you to,” Jared insists. “Get undressed and _show me_ how you touched yourself when you thought about me.”

“Christ, that’s really…you want me to put on a _show_ for you?”

“It’s sexy,” Jared tells him, eyes darkening. “Just thought of you like that right now and it was the hottest thing since last time I saw you naked. Which at the moment feels _way_ too long ago.”

“You’re already hard for it, aren’t you?” Jensen asks, eying Jared’s crotch. “Just thinking about me jerking my cock in front of you like that. It really turns you on that much?”

“Mmm, yes, a lot. Please, Jen? Take down your pants, I wanna watch you touch yourself.”

Jensen bites his lip, nods, and Jared moves to a seat at the end of the bed as Jensen undresses slowly. Nervous uncertainly and heated anticipation coloring his body and filling up his cock. He rests his back against the headboard of the bed and wraps his hand around himself. Gives his cock a tight squeeze before pumping once up and down. “Is this what you want?”

“Mm,” Jared agrees. “Did you do it wet or dry?”

“Licked my palm,” Jensen tells him, breath shaky, before he brings his hand to his mouth and darts out his tongue. “Like this.”

He pulls around the head of his cock twice and then brings his hand down the shaft, twists his wrist back up. “Feels good.”

“ _Looks good_ , Jensen, damn.” And jesus fucking christ, it does. He’s so hot like this. Jensen has his head thrown back, eyes closed, and his movements are deliberate, firm. His chest rises with quick breaths that tighten his abs, he’s got his legs spread open, and if he’d shift down the bed just a bit, Jared could see _everything_.

Jensen slides smooth up and down his cock. “Like doin’ it slow,” he tells Jared. “I like to take my time imagining you’re with me, that you’re, _fuck_ , touching me.”

“Tell me, Jen. Tell me what you think about.”

“I…”

“Go on,” Jared encourages, “Jense, please, I wanna know.”

Jensen shifts, spits in his palm, meets Jared’s eyes and then blinks his eyelids shut again before starting back up on his cock.

“I think about you blowing me. Your lips stretched around me just _taking_ it. The way you kiss me all over. How you put your mouth around my nuts, suck on me there, drives me crazy, Jare.” He gasps and grips tight around his base. “And sometimes…sometimes I wonder how it would feel if I let you lick me open with your tongue. Got me on all fours and ate me like that, make me all wet and then stretch me out around your fingers.” He strokes faster, lets out a little sound, and gives himself one final tug before opening his eyes, staring straight at Jared. “And then. I fuck myself loose on my fingers and imagine it’s your cock.”

Oh god. Jared is going to come. Jared is going to blow his load right here in his pants without even being touched. _Jesus_.

Jensen puts his finger in his mouth, sucks on it, sloppy, gets it all wet. He pulls his knees up to his chest and circles around the entrance of his ass, displays himself to Jared. “Do you want to see what I look like when I pretend you’re in me?”

Jared whimpers. He thinks he whimpers…or, perhaps that was just the sound of him _dying_. “God,” he manages, throat tight, “damn, _yes_.”

Jensen holds out for a second longer, teasing around the ringed muscle, before slowly sliding his finger up inside. He strokes at himself, his finger flexing in and out of his opening, and Jared can tell when he hits _that_ spot by the way Jensen’s hips buck off the bed, the way his eyelashes flutter shut.

“Give yourself another,” Jared directs, voice trembling.

“Hang on,” Jensen says, then reaches to grab the Palmer’s on Jared’s nightstand. When he’s all slicked up he fucks himself on two this time. Groaning and writhing, his fingers disappearing again and again into his dark pink hole. By the time he adds a third, Jared’s had _enough_.

“Want you,” he all but moans as he crawls his way up the bed to push his tongue into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen shifts under him, knots one hand in Jared’s hair and uses the one that was just, shit, _inside him_ , to palm Jared’s cock.

“Fuck, Jared,” he says, pulling back, breathless, “you’re so hard.” He rubs Jared through his pants, flicks his thumb across the head of his dick. “Do you want to fuck me?”

Jared groans, pushes harder into Jensen’s hand, replies truthfully, “Wanna be inside you, Jen.”

He’s naked before he realizes it and settled between Jensen’s legs as they rub up against each other. Jared’s kissing his way up Jensen's neck, and Jensen’s got his fingers digging into Jared’s hips, keeping him close.

“Come on come on come on,” he pants against Jared’s ear. “I gotta come.”

Jared nods, plants a kiss on Jensen’s brow, and then grabs the lotion to lube up. Once he feels slippery enough he arranges himself between Jensen’s thighs and positions his cock at Jensen’s entrance. Jensen’s watching him, wide-eyed, and Jared feels his stomach jump.

“Jensen. I don’t…we don’t have to—”

“I’m not scared, Jay,” Jensen tells him, and maybe he sounds a little breathless. “I just want to know what it feels like to be with you like this. I just wanna _know_.”

“You sure?” Jared checks one more time, careful.

Jensen lights up, lets out a quick chuckle, and then grins. “More than.”

“How can you be _more_ than? What does that even mean and—”

“Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up, please.”

“Right, okay.” Jared nods, runs a hand down Jensen’s smooth chest. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

“Wait,” Jensen says, covering Jared’s hand with his own. “One more thing, will you...I want you to…”

“Anything,” Jared promises, “tell me.”

“Will you come inside me? I want you to come inside me.”

“Oh. Oh fuck, yeah, _Jensen_. You like that? My come pushed up in you, leaking out your messy hole, getting you all wet, _jesus_.”

Jensen whines and bucks beneath him. “Yes, please, yes. Do it, Jay.”

Jared takes a long breath, closes his eyes and then opens them back up to watch his dick force through Jensen’s opening. He pauses when his entire head has disappeared inside and watches Jensen’s face for a reaction. Jensen nods, bites at his lip, tells him, “More.”

He pushes gently, takes his time, eyes trained on Jensen’s. And when he’s fully inside he stops, leans down to kiss Jensen’s mouth, sweet. Jensen’s sweating, tiny beaded drops that shine his forehead and his nose. He’s breathing hard through his mouth, his eyes a little dazed, and Jared asks him, “You okay?”

“Feels really…full…or tight, something, I don’t know.”

“You need me to pull out?”

Jensen shakes his head, pecks Jared’s lips three times, and says, “Just give me a minute, okay?”

At this point Jared would pretty much give him any damn thing he wanted, if he asked. Jensen feels hot as fuck and, god, so tight around him, and Jared’s never done it bareback before. Jared’s never done it with someone he’s in love with before. And it makes his heart thump with how much he _wants_.

“Yeah, okay okay.” Jensen swallows, runs his hand through Jared’s hair. “I want to feel you move.”

Jared’s eyes flicker over Jensen’s face, he brushes his thumb over Jensen’s cheekbone, and then licks his own lips. “Alright,” he says, and he draws out slowly, pushes back in – keeps his thrusts shallow, easy, until he can feel Jensen relaxing around him – then he circles his hips once, picks up a rhythm, and _fucks_.

“Oh,” Jensen gasps, “ _oh_.”

“Yeah?” Jared pants the word out into the air.

“Shit, this is so…you feel so… _god_ , good.”

“You too, Jen,” he says, honest, “so fucking good.”

Jared looks at Jensen, at the smooth lines of his chest— nipples hard, peaked and brown. At the dip in his collarbone where sweat has gathered, Jared can smell it in the air, smell Jensen, smell _them_. Jensen’s breath is coming out in short pants, little sounds like _uh uh uh_ that make Jared moan in response. Jensen’s got his eyes open and he’s looking up at Jared like he’s something _amazing_ , and Jared’s so in love with him right then that it makes his chest clench, makes him _ache_.

His movements stutter and then stop, and he holds his breath, tries to force the overwhelming emotion back down. Jensen is staring at him, he reaches out a hand to push Jared’s sweaty bangs from his eyes, then tells him, “Stay with me, _be here_ with me, Jare.”

Jared calms, tastes the salt at Jensen’s throat, flicks his tongue over the skin there, until Jensen gasps out, raw, “Fuck me.”

So Jared shifts, hooks his arms beneath Jensen’s knees and lifts up, pushes in to drag against that spot inside him and pulls back out on his tight clench.

Jensen throws his head back, fists his hands into the sheets beneath him and twists, his body heated and sweat-slick and moving against Jared’s.

Jared exhales, picks up his speed, and watches his dick slap into that tight ass. Jensen is panting, calling his name, spitting out little curses as his full cock bobs up and down against his stomach in time with each press of Jared inside.

Jared unhooks an arm and fists over Jensen’s cock, jerking him off and rubbing over the blood-reddened head. “I’m going to make you come now,” he tells Jensen, dirty, “all over yourself.”

Jensen keens and digs his fingers into Jared’s bicep, thrusts his hips up. “Please. Oh, god...oh god, Jared, _please_.”

Jared slams into him and grips hard around his cock, twists his wrist and then Jensen is gasping, shuddering under him, and when Jared looks up to meet his eyes, Jensen lets out a high sound, and shoots white all over his chest and Jared’s hand.

Jared groans, speeds his motion back up, and humps desperately into Jensen’s body. Takes one look at his sex-flushed face and empties inside of him on drawn out moan of, _Jen_.

Jared sinks down, presses a long kiss to his lips, and then buries his face in Jensen’s neck. Just breathes him in as Jensen’s hand pets through his hair.

He pushes up onto his elbows after he starts to catch his breath and blinks down at Jensen’s grin. When he makes a tapping signal on Jared’s shoulder, he pulls out of Jensen with a quiet pop and rolls next to him on the bed.

He’s staring at Jensen, sappy, through half-lids when a burst of laughter pushes out of Jensen’s mouth.

“Oh god.” Jared swallows. “Please tell me you did not just have sex with me and then crack the fuck up.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” Jensen assures. “The sex, Jared, the sex was fucking perfect, awesome. It’s just…I lost my virginity on _prom night_. To the _boy next door_.”

“Yeah, but you’re not a virgin, dummy.” He pauses, then gives Jensen wide eyes. “I mean…we talked about this, you’re _not_ , right?”

“Kinda not.” Jensen shrugs. “But you took my butt, Jay, took my _ass_ -ginity away.”

“You are so wrong in the head.”

“I think it’s kinda nice. Very romantic. A tale for the assbabies.”

“Okay! This boyfriends thing was fun while it lasted but I just remembered that you are insane.”

“You dumping me ‘cause of my pillow talk?” Jensen asks, clucking his tongue. “And just when I didn’t think this could get any more clichéd.”

“At least I didn’t do you in the backseat of my daddy’s car. There is that.”

Jensen smiles, warm. “Yeah, yeah there is. C’mere.”

He looks at the easy line of Jensen’s mouth and his soft eyes and Jared’s entire body relaxes, leaning in to cup his hand to Jensen’s face. Jensen turns his head, places a fond kiss into Jared’s palm, then says, “Do you know I like you a whole bunch?”

“I’m getting there.”

“Yeah? Good, because Jared, you’re really important to me. And if I ever make you feel like I’m forgetting that, don’t. Don’t wanna leave you alone.”

Jared tilts his head and smiles warmly, stares at Jensen’s answering smile, and there is nowhere in the universe he’d rather be.

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

“What’re you gonna do for your final essay in Lit?” Jared asks as they wander the aisles of the local drugstore.

“Compare and contrast between _1984_ and _Brave New World_.” Jensen shrugs and tosses some hair gel into the shopping basket.

“Overdone. You should choose something else.”

“Nah, it’s easy and Young will give me an A on it for sure. Anyway, don’t give me shit, dude, finals suck. What’re you doing for yours?”

Jared grabs the basket from Jensen’s hand, swings it up and down as they walk through the office supply aisle. “ _Great Expectations_.”

“You are such a fucking sap, Jare. It’s precious.” He pauses, rests a hand on Jared’s shoulder and gives him earnest eyes. “Truly.”

“What’s sappy about that?” Jared asks, pushing Jensen’s hand away. “It’s an examination of losing yourself to up your social status.”

“It’s Dickens getting his bitch off on some chick who wouldn’t bone him, Jared. It’s a cheesy love story.”

“You’re wrong,” Jared tells him, bending over to pick up a pack of typing paper. He straightens, then, “Oh, and P.S., you suck.”

Jensen laughs, grabs Jared’s free hand. “Come over here. You’re hot when you pout.”

“Oh really, think so? Then maybe you should see me when I’m naked, I’m even hotter.”

Jensen cocks a brow. “Mm, well, I think you should know I have _great_ expectations.”

“You’re such a fucking dork.” Jared shakes his head and twists his hand free from Jensen’s. “Now stop holding my hand in public.”

“Don’t wanna.” Jensen tangles their fingers again.

“Jensen.” Jared pauses, confused. “I don’t want you to lose your Golden Boy title just so we can hold hands while shopping.”

“But what if I want to?”

“Be shit-talked by everyone in town, make your dad flip his crap, and leave Mrs. Jenkins from church blaming Satan?”

“No, freak scene. Hold your hand.”

“We…look, you don’t have to do this to make me happy. I’m already happy with you. I am.”

Jensen stares at a packet of bright pink highlighters hanging in front of him. He chews on his bottom lip before saying, “What if I’m not doing it for you. What if I want to do it for me?”

“Oh, Jensen.” Jared sighs, rubs his thumb over the sensitive skin at Jensen’s wrist. “We only have a few weeks left here. It’s not worth it, it’s _not_. I know I sort of got off easy being a gay boy in Texas but you’re… _you_. You play football, and’ve dated cheerleaders, and people _look up_ to you. I don’t wanna…I don’t want to watch you go through what they’ll do to you if you decide to play this all out now.”

“You think I can’t take a little shit being thrown my way?”

“I don’t think you need to know what it feels like to have the people you called friends suddenly not like you at all. Not when we’re out of here so soon.”

“Yeah, well.” He brings his eyes to Jared’s. “If someone likes me, I want them to like who I really am. Not who I’ve pretended to be, not who my dad wants me to be, not who they _expect_ me to be. So, yeah, maybe I want to start holding your hand no matter where we are.”

He stares at Jared, sad and dejected, before dropping his hand. “But okay, you’re probably right, I don’t know how it feels to go through that, I guess.” He sighs before quirking his lips up, trying for a smile. “But I can hold your hand when we get to California, right?”

“Yeah,” Jared tells him, soft, “you can.”

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

“I hope you know I’m missing what is sure to be a kickass awesome game of _Risk_ for this,” Ethan announces from the backseat of Jared’s car.

“You’ll live.” Jared frowns. “Besides, they’re not my friends, either.”

Jensen rolls his eyes from the passenger seat. “Would you two quit it with the social fucktards routine? You sound like a couple of basement dwellers, jesus.” He turns to Jared. “I just wanted to do this with you,” he admits. “We haven’t in a really long time.”

“Jensen, aw,” Jared coos. “That’s sweet, babycakes, totally is.”

“Don’t talk to me like that in front of Ethan or I’ll have to kick your ass. I have my manly pride.”

“Now don’t go sayin’ things that hurt my feelings you can’t take back later, Jense. My itty-bitty ‘wants to share his entire world with me’ sugar-poo.”

“Hey, no, Ethan’s right. You guys should just go back to your board games. No need for me to be vomiting what I ate for dinner tonight.”

“Okay, alright,” Jared appeases, placing a hand on Jensen’s knee and squeezing. " _Honeybunch_." Jensen grins evilly and then socks him _hard_ in the arm and Jared threatens to run the car off the road because, _damn_ , that hurt.

“Are we almost there?” Ethan questions. “I do not wish to be part of this domestic dispute.”

“Stop on a dime!” Jared hollers, screeching violently to a standstill in the gravel by the side of the road.

“Oh, Padalecki.” Ethan groans. “The Brown Farm? Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Nope,” Jensen pipes from up front. “Best place around to play Capture the Flag.”

“Are you aware that statistically more than half the adult population in the United States claims to have had an encounter with a ghost or other form of supernatural being?” Ethan shudders. “I am going to have to take my meds to get through this.” He fumbles around, pulling a pipe from his pocket.

“Come on, wuss,” Jared laughs, opening up his door. “Leave that for later.”

“Jared,” Ethan whines, climbing out from the back, “can’t you date someone who does not want us to have our eyes scratched out by Bloody Mary?”

“Bloody Mary is only summoned through mirrors. I’m sure you’re safe,” Jared tells him, locking the car.

“I’ll kick a ghost’s ass for you, Ethan,” Jensen calls from up ahead. “Just remember that. Because I’m manly and shit.”

“And _shit_ is right,” Jared laughs, taunting.

“You are asking for it tonight, Jared Tristan Padalecki,” Jensen threatens, pointing a finger at Jared and then making a slashing motion at his throat.

“Hey!” Jared protests. “Only my mama calls me that.” He jogs ahead to reach Jensen. “You’re just lucky I think you’re so completely gorgeous and fuckable.”

“That so?” Jensen asks, quirking his lips.

“Damn right,” Jared responds, moving into Jensen’s space to place a quick kiss on his cheek.

“Christ,” Ethan mutters, catching up with them. “This night is just getting progressively more and more frightening.”

Jared puckers up. “It’s okay, Ethan. You can have a turn, too.”

Jensen growls, grabs Jared’s arm and tugs. “ _Mine_.”

“Yeah,” Jared tells him, tender, and then gives his hand a squeeze before stopping them in front of a chainlink fence.

_NO TRESSPASSING: Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again._

“Oh,” Ethan groans, “fuck me.”

“Here we go,” Jensen grins, then clambers quickly up and hops over the top. Jared gives Ethan a hand and once he’s managed himself to the other side, Jared skitters up and over, meeting them on the other side.

“So how exactly do you play Capture the Flag?” Ethan asks, as they make their way through the overgrown path.

“Oh, you have _got_ to be shittin’ me!” Jensen exclaims, glancing at Jared for conformation this is not a joke.

Jared sighs. “Okay, so,” he begins. And when he’s done explaining and Ethan’s eyes are on fire with a semi-creepy competitive glare, Jared’s pretty sure Jensen will cheat just to get Ethan on his team.

The area is packed with other teenagers when they hit the open field and Jared feels a thrum go through him, excitement at the game ahead. He notices Jensen’s ex staring at them and Jensen smiles at her, gives her a wave. Emily looks back and forth between Jared and Jensen then nods, gives him a sweet smile in return. Jared wonders. He wonders what she knows. He wonders what she thinks she knows. And maybe Emily Neilsen knows more about Jensen than he’d supposed.

They’re split into two clusters – Jared, Jensen, and Ethan landing on the same team when the girl with the megaphone just waves her hand down the center of the crowd – and Ethan and Yvette from Drama Club spend five minutes arguing over where to place the flag while the rest of their team stands around and glares. Jensen grabs the flag and tosses it up in the nearest tree branch. “Good to go,” he grins, and Jared smiles back as Ethan curses.

The group scatters and Yvette ends up following the three of them, caught up in a heated discussion with Ethan on whether they would be better suited playing offense or defense. Jensen is all about sneaking onto the opposing team’s territory, Jared agrees, but then Ethan pulls a notepad and pen from his jacket pocket and starts making _diagrams_ and Jensen covers his face with his hands.

“Hey guys,” he says, gathering their attention. “I think I just saw Javier be tagged. Me and Jared are gonna run a jailbreak and then we’ll meet back up, ‘kay?”

Ethan squints up his eyes. “I really don’t think—”

“No,” Yvette tells him, placing her hand on his arm. “Let them go do the action thing. We’ll stay here and plan.”

Ethan studies her for a moment then nods. Jared and Jensen take off, Jensen whopping and breaking out into a run. Jared catches him just before he breaks from the trees to the other team’s side. “Hold up a minute,” he says, panting. “Javier really get tagged?”

“Nah.” Jensen smiles. “But one more second with those two and I was going to land myself in jail just to escape death by boredom.”

Jared chuckles, ruffles the hairs on top of Jensen’s head. “So.”

“Soo,” Jensen drawls back, “you ever been to the farmhouse?”

“Jensen, man.” Jared swallows. “That thing is haunted. And, well, if it’s not, I’ve heard plenty of stories about other nasty stuff goin’ on.”

“Yeah, well,” Jensen continues, moving into Jared’s space until their faces are only inches apart, “was sorta hoping me and you could get some of our own nasty on.”

“Seriously?” Jared snorts and shakes his head sadly. “You’re trying to seduce me using the word _nasty_? You’re a charmer, Jen, for sure.”

Jensen licks slowly over his lips, stares up at Jared under his lashes. “I’ve been told I do alright.” He runs his knuckles over Jared’s crotch, gives it a light tease.

“Jesus, Jensen!” Jared hisses, taking a step back. “Anybody could come along and see that.”

“So come on, Jare, let’s go someplace no one will,” Jensen cajoles, sticking out his pretty lips. “I wanna take you to the farmhouse.”

Jared shifts his feet, can’t help but smile at Jensen’s exaggerated pout. “Okay, okay, tough stuff, you’re on. But if I hear one noise that doesn’t sound completely human,” he pauses for effect, “I am running away and screaming like a little girl. Might even pee myself. Make you clean it up.”

“Kinky, Jare.” Jensen mock-gasps. “Didn’t know you were into watersports.”

Jared slaps him upside the head as Jensen cackles and leads them further down the trail.

The farmhouse sits on top of a hill. It’s peeling with yellow paint and the front steps are decaying, breaking into the ground. Jared stops at the edge of the house. “Do we really have to do this?”

Jensen wiggles his eyebrows. “Yep.”

The full moon is bright and Jared can still see clearly when they get inside. There’s an old table overturned on its side. Broken dishes from years back scattered on the groaning wooden floors. A ratty looking mattress is pushed back against the wall, dozens of condom wrappers and beer bottles littered nearby. Jensen comes up behind him and Jared lets out a shiver as he kisses up his neck.

He raises his eyes to the walls. There are graffiti markings, tons of different colored paints from throughout the years. Marked with initials and hearts and a lot of swear words. He reads the red lettering to his right. It looks like Latin and it’s surrounded by an intricate design and the numbers 666. Jensen has his hand unbuttoning Jared’s fly.

Jared stops Jensen’s hand, turns around. “No,” he says, takes a long breath, then shudders. “I want to go.”

Jensen searches his face. “Jared?”

Jared figures he can tell Jensen what a pussy he truly is someplace that is not here. He waits until they’re outside before explaining, “It’s creepy. It…honestly scares the crap out of me, Jen.”

Jensen blinks at him. Opens his mouth once, twice, then says, “I don’t want to lose you. Like…ever…again.”

Jared wonders if maybe the writing on the wall was a _love_ spell. “What?” he asks gently. “Where did that come from?”

“Just…I don’t know.” Jensen clenches his hand, and then uncurls it and scrubs it over his face. “I felt something right then. When you looked so scared. Made me think about what I’m afraid of, and. That’s it. Losing you.”

“Jensen.” Jared stops, waits until Jensen meets his eyes. “I‘m not going anywhere.”

“Do you remember that one Christmas?”

“You mean when you pissed your pants while caroling because we’d been walking around the neighborhood drinking cocoa for hours?”

“No,” Jensen groans, “but thanks for the fond memories. I was gonna say when I didn’t get a real Lamborghini Countach even though I had _prayed_ for it and I thought Santa was punishing me for doing something wrong. You laughed at me and told me that I didn’t even have a driver’s license and that, oh, Santa wasn’t real, and I started crying.”

“I sound like a pretty good friend!” Jared says with enthusiasm.

“Later that night you came over to say sorry. Do you remember?”

“You were all curled up angry in your bed. Thought you might never speak to me again…”

“…So you crawled under the covers and tucked your arm around me and swore that you’d buy me the car when you made it rich.”

“Even at an early age I knew you could be bought with shiny things.”

“I wanted to kiss you on the mouth that night.”

“Jensen, we were like, _ten_.”

“I know.”

Jared pauses. Thinks back and remembers how much he just wanted to make Jensen’s tears go away. The warm thrum he felt through his body that he’d pinned down as needing to make Jensen be okay. It didn’t feel a whole lot different than the feeling he associates with love now. “Huh.”

“And it’s still—” Jensen stops, starts again. “I mean we’re good now, fucking awesome now, but it’s still easy to remember what it was like when you were gone. It hurt to look at you in the hallways, it fucking hurt that you were right next door, and it _killed me_ to know it was all my fault. Because I was the one who made it that way. Lost you on purpose, _hurt_ you, and I didn’t think there was any way you’d ever let me come back. That’s really hard to forget.” Jensen stares at him, blinks rapidly against the swell of tears in his eyes.

“Jensen.” Jared feels a pain squeeze tight around his chest, takes a step forward. “Jen—”

“Jared, just.” Jensen’s bottom lip is trembling as he holds up a hand. “Let me be sorry, okay? I want you, I want you around _always_ , and I need to remember what it feels like when you’re not. Because I never…I never ever want that again.” He stops, lets out two short sounds, and then Jared moves that final foot and crushes him into a hug.

“Okay okay okay, it’s alright. Jen, it’s—” Jensen pulls his face from the crook of Jared’s neck and kisses him – desperately and hard – and a flash of knowledge rips through Jared that this is who they’re supposed to be. And it’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay that they spent their entire childhoods tangled up in each other. It’s okay that Jensen pushed him away and Jared spent way too much time feeling that. It’s okay because they’re here, like this, _now_. And Jared thinks these are the people they were meant to be. He really does.

He gives Jensen’s mouth one last swipe with his tongue then pulls back. “Let’s get out of here, okay?”

Jensen blinks at him, sniffs through his nose, then his face turns sweet when he says, “You’re really beautiful, you know that?”

“You are all about kissing my ass right now,” Jared says fondly. “I might be digging on this a little too much.”

“No,” Jensen tells him, “I’m serious. Like sometimes I look at you and you’re just so perfect it makes me feel crazy. I don’t know what to do with it. Makes my stomach get all weird.”

“Hmm, well, maybe I’m just grossing you out and that turning feeling is just your stomach’s way of saying, No thanks!”

“Stop it,” Jensen tells him, sincere. “I mean it. I love you Jared Padalecki. I’m in love with you.” He pauses, watches Jared’s face, then adds, “Just so you know.”

There might be a horrible blush spreading throughout Jared’s entire _soul_ but he ignores it and smiles and answers back. “I’m in love with you, too, Jen. And _lots_. Let’s get out of here so we can do something about it.”

“I’m up for this plan.”

“Oh, I’ll show you _up_ when we get back to my bed.” Jared smirks. “Get psyched.”

Jensen squints humorlessly. “You have a very shitty way of flirting.” He shakes his head, and then his face spreads into a grin. “I guess that’s kinda cute, though.”

“See.” Jared nods knowingly. “I know what you like, Mr. Nasty.”

~o~

“Hey guys,” Ethan greets when they find their way back to field. “Yvette and I have discussed it and decided on going out for coffee together. Alone,” he specifies, making a hand gesture to fill in the rest.

“Right,” Jared drawls, “gotcha. Well. We’ll just—”

“See you later, man,” Jensen finishes for him, grabbing Jared by the sleeve of his hoodie and tugging him on.

“Bye Yvette! Call me tomorrow, Ethan,” Jared calls back over his shoulder. “I mean, if you’re _alone_.”

“You’re a jackass, Padalecki!” Ethan hollers and he can hear Yvette giggle.

Jared buckles his seatbelt and turns to Jensen, feels suddenly shy as he says, “That was nice. I mean...I don’t know. It’s nice to hear how you feel. And that you love me.”

“Yeah, Jare,” Jensen answers, “I really do.” And his face tells Jared how much it’s true.

~~~~~o~~~~~

 

Jensen’s shoveling half an omelet in his mouth and Jared looks up from across the booth to make a face.

“What?” he says, swallowing audibly. “I wanna make it to school on time. I’ve got to meet up with Javier to trade notes for our final tomorrow.”

“We’ve got like twenty-five minutes, _chew_.”

“It’s totally sexy when you ‘mommy’ me.” Jensen smiles around a mouthful of sourdough toast.

“I only do it because you’re a baby.”

“ _Your_ baby.” Jensen locks his foot around Jared’s ankle under the table.

“Yeah,” Jared agrees dopily, then frowns. “Okay, we need to stop before you make me lose track of this calculus assignment. Or hate myself.”

Jensen laughs and steals a sip of Jared’s orange juice. “Got it, save the gag-worthy talk for next time I’m pissed at you.”

Jensen’s just finishing his watered-down coffee when the waitress comes by with their check. “This gonna be separate or together?”

“Together,” Jensen says, knocking his foot against Jared’s. And Jared’s dopey smile makes its triumphant return.

~o~

They’re gathered around Javier’s locker and just about to take off when Adam Plummer walks up, gives Jensen a quick nod of the head. “You coming to my get together this weekend?” God, Jared sure as hell _hopes_ not. Doesn’t know why Jensen would, he doesn’t even like the guy. And as far as he knows, Adam doesn’t like Jensen much, either. He probably just wants him there for the status, the show.

“Nah.” Jensen cracks his knuckles, shoots Jared a look. “I can’t make it, sorry.”

Adam prickles. “Yeah, Ackles, why’s that?”

“Already got plans with Jared.”

“About that.” Adam sneers. “I’ve noticed lately, you lettin’ this faggot run your life now?”

“Plummer,” Jensen says, breathing the name out harsh, “you’re a real asshole, you know?”

“Least I don’t let some other dude stick it up my mine.”

Okay, right. Jared watches heat climb up Jensen’s neck. He would _really_ love to punch Adam’s face in right now. But it’s not worth it. It’s probably not worth getting into it the last week of school. Jared _knows_ this, but. Fuck it. He takes a step forward, clenches his fist.

Jensen eyes him, shakes his head no and makes a gesture with his hand to hold-up.

“What difference does it make to _you_ who I sleep with?” Jensen’s words sound sure to Jared, strong.

Plummer jerks his head back. “What…are you…I was just joking around, man. You really telling me you’re fucking this queer?”

Jensen looks at them. Looks from Javier to Adam and his buddies and then stops on Jared, smiles, shows teeth. “Yeah,” he answers. “Yeah I am. Jared’s my boyfriend.”

Adam stands open-mouthed. Jensen turns and grabs Jared’s hand. Jared’s heart beats a too quick rhythm as they walk away.

He can hear Adam crowing to the crowd as he and Jensen continue down the hall. “Goddamned faggot. I knew something was wrong with that fucker. I told you Garcia, didn’t I tell you, man? Jensen Ackles takes it up the ass!” Jared tries to ignore the resounding laughs as they turn the corridor.

When Jensen stops them next to his locker, he gives Jared’s hand a tight squeeze, but doesn’t let go. Javier walks past on his way to class, claps a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, gives Jared a kind smile before continuing down the hall.

“Jare?”

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“Are _you_?”

Jensen stares down at their linked hands, he takes a deep breath, then brings his gaze to Jared’s eyes, and smiles. “Yes, yeah. I mean…I think I really am.”

Jensen doesn’t let go of his hand as he fumbles to get his locker open. He doesn’t let go, either, when he slides his backpack from his shoulder to get out a book. _He doesn’t let go_. And as he and Jared are approaching 1st period, Jared thinks about all the things that they’ve been through together. He thinks about the time Jensen’s dog died when they were six. And when Jared had his tonsils taken out and Jensen cried when he visited him in the hospital. He thinks about how he taught Jensen how to ride a bike, how Jensen showed him how to shoot a hoop, their first kiss, and then their first fight. He thinks about when Jensen left him. And how it felt when he came back. Then he thinks about standing outside the Brown farmhouse and hearing Jensen say I love you.

And he knows then. No matter what happens, they’ll be alright. Because the thing about Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki is that they have always been in love.

END

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] we’re still more in love than you think we are](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5703013) by [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater)




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